A Year in Exile

Rambling about Arcade Games

2009-03-26T06:16:00.000-07:00

Melanie is on the other side of the world. I have no counterpart for my idle banter, so I might as well spill it all here.

I'm watching American Idol and getting beaten down by blind Scott and tattoo Megan. I'm seriously contemplating turning it off at this point. Ugh.

Anyway, I had a momentary thought about old school arcade games. I loved arcade games when I was a kid. I can remember dropping quarters into Pong and Space Invaders when they were first introduced, and we all know where it went from there.

Then I wondered what my top five might be. Should be pretty easy to figure that out. Then I took it a little further and wondered what the top 5 would be based on how much I spent on them. Why not? Couldn't be too hard to estimate, but it might be a little embarassing. Call it a cautionary tale for all young reality-escapists like me.

Tempest: I loved this game. It was an after-school ritual for long long time. Let's say 4 days a week for 4 months, plus some weekends at 20 games a session. (4 * 4 * 20) = $320
Dragon's Lair: What? A laserdisc video game? I pummeled this thing with quarters, but the attraction didn't last long thank goodness. 2 months, 5 days a week, let's say 30 games. $300
Pac-Man: I played this as part of a group project with my Lake Country buddies. We got to some of the higer levels, but I personally never reached the pinnacle where all the wacky stuff started happening. Dollar amount is pretty low since you get a lot of play for a quarter. Let's say 10 games a day for a whole summer. That's 900 games, total: $225
Galaga: Picked up this addiction in college. Another game that gave you a ton of play for a quarter. Sure beat studying. Let's say 20 games a week for couple of months. $160
Donkey Kong: Not sure why this one appealed to me so much, but it was fun and convenient, right by the school. 2 months, 3 days a week, 20 games. $120

Honorable mentions: Popeye, Journey (wtf?), Pole Position, Joust, Xevious.

Not sure what to take away from this. I sure wish I had this $1130 back I could build a sweet M.A.M.E. machine. Maybe I'll do it anyway!

Guitar Zeros

2009-03-06T01:40:00.001-08:00

At lunch today, we happened to be sitting right outside an electronics shop that had a Guitar Hero box on display. Melanie mentioned that she was surprised I wasn't into it. The logic seemed simple: I like guitars, I like music, it should be a natural right?

I actually had to think about it for a minute. It was true that I didn't have the slightest inclination towards the game. Part of that might be that the craze had just gained momentum as we were leaving the States. But I did play it once at a friend's house and was left unimpressed. Why?

It's simple. Guitar Hero players have spent a whole lot of time and money in order to develop a completely worthless skill. Well, I guess it's not worthless if our goal is to someday replace robots with humans.

Instead of teaching the brain how to be musical, appreciate nuances in volume and tone, and learn the dexterity it takes to be expressive with an instrument -- these kids (and adults too) are learning nothing but coordination and how to mimic patterns with robotic efficiency. The music is a soundtrack, not a by-product. Now that I've put this into words, it's actually downright scary.

I'll be much more impressed by a kid who has learned how to bar the chords to "Smoke on the Water" than some neo-cyborg that can score 99% on level 99 with the difficulty set to Ludicrous.

Now I can extrapolate all this as an indication of the downfall of culture, instant gratification, zero work ethic society, etc., etc... But honestly the most troubling idea of all is:

When these kids get to college, are they really going to pick up chicks with air guitar skills?

Goodbye Dubai - or Maybe Not?

2009-03-03T20:07:00.001-08:00

Sorry for the dry spell, folks. I think we've developed something of a FaceBook habit, and are spending all our free time poring over elementary school pictures. I'm sure this too shall pass.

In the meantime, here is a fantastically written article about the fate of Dubai. However, the real gems are in the comments.

How many guys does it take to replace a window?

2009-01-28T00:57:00.000-08:00

The answer is precisely 10.

Here's one for all you global warming nay-sayers

2009-01-25T01:50:00.000-08:00

Snow in the UAE gives new meaning to the phrase "no words to describe".

Apparently there is no word for snow in the local dialect.

The Inuit should lend them one, they have extra.

Long Live ABBA

2008-12-19T03:54:00.000-08:00

Today, I mourn ABBA, whose music has been ripped unmercifully out of my life.

I have been a lifelong fan, as their music was a soundtrack to my childhood. Plus, their songs had that rare magic that granted them staying power across the decades. At least until menacing outside influences put a stop to them. But before I get into that, I feel like I might have to defend my former love of the band. It’s a little secret of mine that I’ve grown more comfortable with over the years. Indeed, it was one of the first things I confessed to Mel in the flurry of emails before our first date. When I was working neighborhood water meters in Las Vegas, prowling the streets dirty and unshaven, the citizens had no idea that it was more likely to be Super Trooper blasting in my headphones than Judas Priest or Lynyrd Skynrd as they probably assumed. And, when Mel and I celebrated our upcoming nuptials at the Armadillo in Vegas, and the band asked me to perform a special solo routine to Dancing Queen... I gladly complied, but only because it was ABBA.

ABBA was ruined for me in a way that has only happened once before in my life. The other incident involved Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody, a perfect song that I will probably never listen to again. When I was in college Bohemian Rhapsody was typically reserved as the last song of a drunken get-together. We would all gather around our crazy friend Jason, who would perform some sort of dance-skit-conductor routine which never failed to entertain. I would have preferred to replay that memory every time I hear that song. I love you Mike Myers, but I damn your eternal soul to Hell for killing that memory.

That stupid scene from the movie Wayne’s World replaced it. The one they used in the trailers, where the cast are in the Garthmobile jamming to the ending. Maybe it hit too close to home, seeing a bunch of dorks head bang to Brian May and Freddy Mercury in exactly the same way we used to. Or maybe it was just funny enough to stay stuck in my brain. Whatever the reason, the song lost its long history of personal magic for me. Jason’s silly routines have been cheapened, along with that feeling of hanging out in my sister Nancy’s room, poring over every inch of A Night at the Opera like it was the secret to everything. Thanks Mike. Nice job you jerk. At least I have the rest of the songs on that album left in my head.

For ABBA, of course, it was the recent movie Mamma Mia. A year of shock therapy will not erase the memory of Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan’s renditions of my beloved songs. Mr. Brosnan may be an adequate representation of James Bond, but he had no right to use his dying-dog-barf voice to reproduce ABBA. His voice, coupled with the 108-minute barrage of total gayness that was Mamma Mia has left a void in my musical soul.

I blame myself. These little decisions in life -- such as selecting a movie that you know will be horrible, watching it anyway, and continuing to watch as little bits of your happiness are systematically zapped – have lasting consequences. I should have known better, and next time I will.

Using a jackhammer in sandals

2008-12-16T22:07:00.000-08:00

I thought mowing the lawn in bare feet was dangerous...

I just want to use the treadmill!

2008-12-11T07:37:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago when John & I went upstairs to the gym as we do every night we were informed that there had been a visit by the municipality that day and the landlord was 'busted' for not separating the women from the men. According to the religious beliefs here, men and women that are not related or married should not socialize. So now our gym has been divided into a women's side and a men's side, totally walled off from each other. Unfortunately this means not all machines are available anymore which is just really quite annoying. I would consider posing as a boy when the machines on the women's side is full (did that once in my 20's at a gay bar, it was great fun) but I would be risking some serious jail time as cross-dressing is quite illegal here.

Now today when I came home from lunch I found a memo taped to our door, informing us that now the pool will be segregated as well, and as a woman I am only allowed certain time slots to use the pool that is separate from the men.

I understand that this is a Muslim country, I do. But it is just bizarro that I can't even hang out at the pool with my husband anymore in our predominantly non-Muslim populated building. What does this religious separation of the sexes accomplish, really? As a spiritual girl, I wouldn't want my religion to legally bind me to follow their tenets; I think that faith and spiritual honor should be all the motivation anyone needs.

Calling all blog buddies: Help us choose our house colors!

2008-11-28T03:17:00.000-08:00

John & I recently discussed how our tendency to overthink everything actually bonds us together. Because really, who else would put up with us except…each other?

So dear blog friends, please indulge my obsession of the moment by offering your input on a very big decision that John has left up to me to make: what colors to paint our Victorian home.

Our 107 year old girl has been in dire need of a paint job since we bought it in 2005, but there were other more pressing interior upgrades that required our attention (and cash) first. This week John has given me permission to have our house painted now so that her makeover will be complete when we return from the Middle East mid 2009, but I am frozen with indecision.

A quirky Victorian like ours begs for a color scheme that is a bit bold and eccentric, and probably a mix of about 6 different shades. (though I’ve found photos of San Francisco homes with 12 colors very inspiring…) After agonizing over elaborate color palettes ad nauseum I found myself arriving at a surprising conclusion: repaint her in the current shades of pink, teal, & white with some raspberry & black thrown in.

But before I pull the trigger on this choice (thank goodness John’s manhood is not challenged by living in a pink & teal house) I would be profoundly grateful if those of you out there with an eye for color would review the color schemes I’ve designed in this gallery and weigh in with your decision.

http://BlackDahlia.zenfolio.com/p207266404/

I used a designer’s program that would not allow me to use more than 4 colors, so some of the color schemes are incomplete representations, but I trust they are enough of an idea to help you choose your favorite.

So go on now, post a comment with your top pick – just indicate the picture number from the gallery, or email me privately at BlackDahliaImages@Gmail.com. Shukran gazilan!

Reality Check from my Awesome Friend Dave

2008-11-25T12:23:00.000-08:00

I'll be honest I'm a nervous wreck about the economy. Being away from the States has amplified my angst to no small degree. I only have the doom and gloom Internet and the incredibly anti-yank BBC news to tell me what's really going on. (By the way, Brits, get over it already -- Geez!) I mentioned this to my buddy Dave and he responded with an amazing reply, below. Thanks for this Dave, and thanks for letting me post it here. I should re-read this every day. A semi-guest-post, if you will, enjoy...

So let me jump right to the economy. Relax. The world is still spinning on its axis. The coffee is still hot at Starbucks. We’re still smack in the middle of one of the best times in the worlds history. And people are happy as hell in the US right now with the ouster of the little nazi in the white house.

Will we be affected by the recent changes, I’m sure we will, but it’s way overblown. A bunch of greedy morally bankrupt bastards are taking it in the ass and unfortunately there are some innocents getting whacked at the same time. But come on, the housing market was a f#$&ing joke! Housing has appreciated at roughly 2% for 100 years. Then suddenly the prices sky rocket 20-40% each year for almost 8 years.

It was all started by all the money flowing out of the stock market after 911 then exacerbated by our ridiculously short sighted and inept government pushing Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac into highly risky home loans.

Think of all the retarded people in hot markets making millions on this government backed bubble. Flip this house! Designed to Sell! Etc Etc. How many shows were there on real estate agents in the past 5 years. They were all morons making 6 figures and higher! It was a matter of time. There was no true wealth be created it was simply moving money around from account to account. A high stakes musical chairs. My prediction since 2002 was 2006, I was late by 2 years, but then again I didn’t know the fed would keep lowering interest rates. Homes were never considered great investments, they were places you lived for f$%* sake.

Anyway. This too shall pass. The stock market is not Vegas people. Day traders are leaches. The whole point of the stock market was a place that companies could go to raise capital to grow themselves. Company growth doesn’t happen between 10am and 1pm when some people are buying and selling stocks. I believe that we need to shake off all the vampire companies attached to our money economy. There are literally trillions of dollars being poured into companies that offer no value in return. If you can’t regulate it, it shouldn’t be legal. Yes?!

Anyway it’s not as bad as the media makes it out to be. It is not Armageddon here at all. There is still tons of food in the grocery stores, movies are being shown, trucks are on the highways. Believe it or not I sort of agree that our economy, though wounded a little, is still strong. The latest weakness has exposed the cancerous companies for what they are. We need to purge them. Bye bye GM. Did you see that those 3 idiots from Detroit flew private jets to Washington to beg for money from the US taxpayers. Talk about clueless. You’re company is hemorrhaging cash. I mean hemorrhaging and you’re operating a fleet of private jets?! Even if the money to own and operate a jet is a drop in the bucket compared to what you need, the bad PR it creates should have been #1 priority for them to shake off. I have a little theory. I think they may not be smart.

I need to do a little work this morning so I’ll leave you with this. I was driving home the other day and there was a beautiful deer standing in the median waiting for a line of cars to pass by so he could cross the street and jump back into the woods. That moment is just as real as what the economy is doing. Don’t get sucked into a vortex of panic. Give your wife a kiss. Go to Italy for Christmas and celebrate that for the first time in history a nation of majority of white people elected a black man to the highest office. Signs of greatness are all around us. Aids will be cured in less than a decade and cancer is next. We’ll be back on the moon in less than 8 years. We just took a picture for the very first time of a planet not in our solar system. And more importantly Tony Romo is playing with a broken pinkie this week against SF. Go Cowboys!

Cappuccino Art of the Day

2008-11-23T02:37:00.000-08:00

Sonny is an artist that makes a mean Cuppuccino.

Sign in the Abu Dhabi Visa Office, Border of Oman near Al Qabil

2008-11-07T05:18:00.001-08:00

I saw this on a border run, and read it several times trying to figure it out. I can only assume that this has been translated, and I'd like to hear (or see) a better version. It has to make more sense in Arabic.

The top 5 snacks I would eat all the time if only they were food

2008-11-06T11:51:00.001-08:00

Alright this is totally random and marginally amusing, but hey we take entertainment where we can find it these days. I haven't eaten any of these for a long time, but something tells me I will sample them all again once I'm back in the states. The entries for this contest were loosely limited to non-candy, non-ice cream, non-chip, individually wrapped snack treats. Bonus points were given to the contestant with the least natural ingredients. And the winners are...

1. Little Debbie Nutty Bars Little Debbie knows how to put together a nutty bar. Peanut butter and chocolate never fail. These are great because you can make them last a long time by diligently separating each wafer. It's like having ten snacks!
2. Hostess Sno-Balls Mel didn't even realize there was chocolate cake AND creme filling in these sugar bombs. Maybe she'll rethink never having one. Bonus points for throwing capability. What is that -- pink coconut on the outside? What flavor is pink anyway?
3. Hostess Cherry Fruit Pie This was one half of my typical pre-golf breakfast of champions. The other half was a Super Big Gulp of Dr. Pepper. Healthy. I think I had all the calories covered for the day!
4. Hostess White Donnets They couldn't call them donuts as people might think they were bad for you. The chocolate ones are made of unflavored wax. I wrote a short story in High School about poisoning my English teach with an arsenic-laden white donette. Ah, memories.
5. Nabisco Fig Newtons WTF is a Newton anyway? I'd like to think they named these after one of the elves in the tree, but dammit that's Keebler isn't it. Crap. These are the bomb. I wonder what percentage of Figs in the world end up in these? Are figs used for anything else?

Guest Blog: Mom's Point of View

2008-11-04T04:58:00.000-08:00

This is Melanie's mother, Judy, and I would like to echo Noelle's sentiments about her observations of our trip to this magical land of the UAE. The caressing winds in the evening evoke visions of Arabs sitting around fires in the desert brewing Arabian coffee near their tents with camels resting from a day's journey and telling stories of the Arabian Nights. It is not so long ago that there are still whispers of it in the wind but when you open your eyes you see a totally different story of a people with vision of the future. While they prepare their country to prosper when their much sought after oil reserves run out, they have not become so jaded by wealth that they have forgotten their past. You can not help but feel their love for their past sheikh when you hear the voice of a person reading from the Koran around the clock since 2004 when the Sheikh died and which will continue until there is no longer a Muslim left alive here to attend to his grave. We learned that this Sheikh was illiterate but managed to unite all the leaders of the tribes in the UAE and was truly a man of the people, sharing the newfound wealth with all of his countrymen.

While driving to Dubai, I was impressed to see two things. There was an area called the Free Zone which is miles of desert outside of the city where businesses from around the world are invited to build headquarters for their companies. Many have taken advantage of this offer and I recognized many famous brand names gracing the structures on both sides of the highway . As you get nearer to Dubai, you encounter new Dubai which houses in excess of 50 fabulous high rise buildings with others under construction. At night, these buildings are bathed in beautiful lights and it was astonishing to learn that these buildings are vacant and were built in anticipation of future development. In Abu Dhabi and Dubai you will see the highest concentration of cranes in use in the world and construction goes on around the clock.

John and Melanie's apartment is located on the 17^th floor of the tower in which they live and provides a vantage point of being able to observe the activities of the city. While I was washing dishes this morning, I was able to see construction workers on a high rise being erected, Muslims on their way to their mosque for prayer as well as shoppers going in and out of businesses and I could hear the horns beeping from impatient drivers.

This has truly been an adventure of a lifetime for me that would not have taken place without John and Melanie's generous invitation. I have gained a greater perspective of the world and been humbled by the kindness and warmth generated by people from other countries who have left loved ones behind to work here to sustain their families at home. My father once told me he read in The Smithsonian that we are all related by no more than 50^th cousins. I feel as if I have met some of my extended family on this trip and will carry them in my memories and my heart.

Guest Blog: My first trip abroad!

2008-11-03T09:06:00.000-08:00

This is Noelle here, Melanie's sister who is visiting Abu Dhabi from America. This is my very first international trip ever and what a trip it has been! The amazing people I have been meeting on my journey have certainly been the highlight. Once I landed here in A.D. we haven't crossed a single American! Only exceptional people from all over the world from countries such as Scotland, Afghanistan, Egypt, Pakistan, Yemen, Sudan and the Philippines to name a few. Everyone has been so friendly, helpful, interesting and curious to learn more about where I come from as I do about them. They are sooooo impressed with how far I have come - I've come from the other side of the world for goodness sake! Many people in Abu Dhabi and Dubai asked me who I am going to vote for president. Little did I realize there was such high interest abroad in who ran our country, but I soon discovered what we do in America affects people everywhere so naturally many were interested to hear how American people feel about it. Boy that sure gave me something to think about before I place my vote for who I want. Now I have to consider which candidate would run our country to benefit not only Americans but all of mankind as our president could impact the lives of all world citizens.

I was very impressed by how hard the construction laborers work around the clock here. Often these laborers live in very modest work camps and are required to work very long hours in 120 degree heat for meager pay. I can't imagine these men live long happy lives, for it must take a major toll on their bodies. However, from what I understand, they come here willingly to create a better life for their poverty stricken families still living in their home countries by sending money back to support them. Never again will I think my life is difficult in America, by comparison I am the luckiest girl in the world.

The buildings here are just incredible! The architecture is beyond comprehension...and they spared no expense! The Grand Mosque is like heaven on earth! It is obvious they are trying to create a place to draw tourists when the oil money runs out. They have a grand plan of building an island of elaborate buildings in Abu Dhabi called Saadiyat Island which will be home to the Louvre and Guggenheim museums in hopes of enticing people from all over the world to see what could yet become one of the wonders of the world. And for a grand scale project coming up in Dubai check out www.dubailand.ae.

I do have to say the architecture here is astonishing and well beyond anything I have seen. The high rise buildings are interesting, unique and very different from what I have ever envisioned. Think slanted/jagged roofs, round structures, shiny silver, sparkly copper (you should see when the sun hits it just right), open Arabic arches, elaborate everything and over the top. I love it! However, one thing they didn't take into consideration is parking structures. Trying to find a parking spot in the heat of day can be grueling…and often people will park right in the middle of the parking lot single file down the center of the rows. Try getting around this, and you will wish you had the smallest crappy car. Also, they are not afraid to lay on the horn and pedestrians do not have the right of way. Run baby, run!

The shopping is soooooo fabulous!!!!! Many items are from other parts of the world, which make it so great! Items from Greece, Sweden, Italy, and France that I never even knew existed. I guess when people have unlimited funds to spend...they will bring in the finest quality of everything to accommodate and make money.

My very first morning here I heard the Muslim call to prayer with the singing of the Mosque. For those of you who may not be aware of this, it is a song sang in Arabic broadcasted on LOUD speakers throughout the city calling the Muslims to pray. This is done 6 times a day. Hearing it for the first time at 5 a.m. echoing thru the entire city sent chills thru my body. I felt it was eerie and somewhat scary at the same time. However, in time I grew to find myself pausing and listening for it as I realized I would only get to hear it for a limited time in my life. Come to find out, a live person sings it each time at each mosque. Mosques are everywhere…they need to be walking distance from where people work and live so they can go there to pray 6 times a day . Now that is a lot of people working toward one goal together! No wonder they are doing so well financially! They are praying 6 times a day!

Well, I could go on and on about all my adventures in the U.A.E. I've taken well over 400 photos and have kept a personal journal of all my experiences here. I hope I gave you a new perspective on life in the U.A.E., my trip here has certainly been an eye opening experience for me.

Warmly, Noelle

Company Slogans in the UAE

2008-10-31T10:04:00.001-07:00

Am I crazy, or are the marketing gurus out here just mailing it in? On one building alone yesterday, I saw the following two slogans:

"The Power to Dream"

"Bringing your Thoughts to Reality"

Or something like that. Sorry but I forgot what businesses they were for, which may actually further my point.

Does anyone actually know what these are supposed to mean? Are they meant to inspire confidence that the business can actually deliver? I just want them to do what they are supposed to do. Let me take care of my own dreams, desires, and future thank you very much.

Even the Government department I'm working for has some posters stating they are:

"Making your wishes come true!"

I seriously doubt it.

Anyway, with a little JavaScript magic I may have put all the marketing folks out of business. Check out my new UAE Slogan Generator version 1.0 to the right of this blog. Click as many as you want it's all gold and totally free.

Try about 20 clicks to simulate the advertising effect of driving around Abu Dhabi.

Birthday Bash in Abu Dhabi

2008-10-14T11:49:00.001-07:00

I can’t really help it that my husband slaves away on his project every waking moment - finding time for friends has not really been a priority. Or perhaps John would just say it is a futile endeavor in this crusthole. (and that would be an exaggeration, because he recently scored a golf friend in the building) But nevertheless, throwing a rager for year #42 was definitely out of the question.

So in preparing for John’s anemic birthday party today I had to get crafty. Along with the garish metallic streamers and foil banners, I found the perfect antidote to a sad, empty apartment upon John’s return from yet another beatdown at work. Don’t you all agree?

There were actually a dozen more ‘friends’ but one by one they simply ‘vanished’ without warning, somewhat like we did to acquaintances back home in California. John and Dane (co-worker from Visalia) were delighted by the instant party buddies, and throughout the course of the night Dane bid each buddy goodbye by name (‘See ya, Jimmy!’, ‘There goes Brian!’) as they popped unceremoniously.

May this be the last birthday we ‘celebrate’ in Abu Dhabi!

My lame attempt at narcissistic humor as our economy crumbles

2008-10-10T13:40:00.001-07:00

So, after only 8 months without us the US economy is collapsing. Mel and I, with our consistent torrent of cash mainlining into the economy, leave the country and everything implodes. Even though we didn't infuse into diverse channels -- mainly Pita Kabob, Best Buy, Ross, Marshalls, and Carl's Jr. -- apparently our money was keeping the house of cards upright. But no longer.

Come on Americans! Make up for our absence. Get out there and buy something. Preferably a house or two. I know a good realtor.

Cool Clubhouse Design

2008-09-30T09:49:00.001-07:00

This is at the Abu Dhabi National Golf Club. I'm not the biggest fan of over the top designs, but I loved the look of this clubhouse as we played the 9th hole.

From the tee box:

From the green:

Mayberry: Middle East

2008-09-20T08:43:00.000-07:00

After spending a decadent month back home in the U.S. relishing visits and parties with friends and family while soaking up the ambience of Vegas and our quirky Victorian home in Visalia, I anticipated quite a bit of resistance to leave it once again for Abu Dhabi. I was excited by the prospect of being reunited with John as my whole being was off center without him, but I knew I would miss the warmth and familiarity that I enjoy being surrounded by my wide circle of beloveds back home. When I left it, Abu Dhabi (although incredibly fascinating) still felt like a strange land with a secret code I just couldn’t break to fit in.

As my Etihad plane made the final decent I squinted out the window and felt an unexpected jolt of pleasure when I instantly recognized many of the structures whizzing by below. I caught sight of the ladies in the adjacent rows as they carefully put on and arranged their veils in preparation for landing, admiring how regal they looked in their black finery and freshly applied makeup. And they all smiled back.

Once on the ground I made a beeline for the luggage carousel and enlisted the help of a young man to assist me with my bags which were practically bursting thanks to daily shopping outings to discount stores with Mom. I searched my handbag for my Wrigley’s pack and casually offered my suitcase buddy a stick, which evoked a dramatic reaction of nervous giggles then discreet acceptance. Just as we were popping the gum into our faces I glanced up and noticed a banner celebrating the holy time of Ramadan and realized we were being very naughty indeed as even non-Muslims are not allowed to eat, drink or even chew gum in public during daylight hours. My suitcase buddy winked at me and said ‘We’ll keep each other’s secrets!” I winked back and beamed gratitude that I had a kindred spirit in my deep need to chew gum even in the face of sin.

After changing some money into dirhams (“I’m RICH!!!” I declared as my $80.00 became 278.00 dirhams, causing the clerk to cheer and high five me) I found myself a taxi (John failed to get me, not his fault) and with ease gave perfect directions including the all important landmarks to instruct the driver how to get to our building. (sorry for the overuse of parenthesis) (!)

After observing my driver gently toot his horn when a car beside him started to drift into his lane, then zeroing in on his particular exotic features, I nonchalantly asked him “So what part of Egypt are you from?” My formerly very careful driver whipped around in his seat 180 degrees to examine the girl who apparently unraveled his very soul. My Egyptian driver exclaimed “You are 100% right!!! I am from Alexandria! How did you know?” I said it was a combination of his brilliant driving skills and the shape of his eyes. From then on I had the liveliest, most fantastic conversation with Mahmoud. I took his number and will surely be calling him for a ride-along to meet more Abu Dhabi dwellers since my original fake taxi idea was panned by husband and basically everyone else who heard about my doomed scheme.

After a jet-lagged sleep to rival the dead I staggered to the grocery store to pick up a few morsels to get me through the days of Ramadan (all restaurants are closed in respect of the fast) and as I was checking out I heard a voice from behind me call out “Is that you, Melanie?” I turned around to find Cath there, a sweet lady I had met in my yoga class who hugged me and asked to set up a photography shoot for her son next week. As I wheeled my groceries to the car I was just stunned that I had bumped into someone I knew in Abu-friggin’-Dhabi. I thought that only happened in Visalia; I had lived in Los Angeles for umpteen years and that pretty much never happened!

It suddenly hit me. This was no longer a foreign country to me at all. It’s a place I understand and I get what makes people tick. We’ll be enjoying visits from 5 beloveds over the next two months and I am revitalized about what I have to present to them. It’s my alternate home.

Immoral TV? Here's the KSA solution

2008-09-14T06:29:00.001-07:00

"The most senior judge in Saudi Arabia has said it is permissible to kill the owners of satellite TV channels which broadcast immoral programmes."

Full article from the BBC is here.

One of these satellite providers is Showtime Arabia, majority owned by a Kuwaiti holding company, with 20% owned by Viacom.

Watch your back VIA.

Let's have a Sing-a-long Vegas Style

2008-09-03T13:43:00.001-07:00

Complete with a near-makeout. Thanks Noelle for the videography and accompaniment!

The Wallet Story

2008-09-01T14:06:00.001-07:00

I'm a raging idiot moron when I take trips. Psychiatrists would undoubtedly call my psychosis "Behavioral Reenactment", but I'm sure that Mel calls it something much more colorful. I know that my siblings understand completely. In fact: one of them (unnamed, but she used to be a little tike) shares in this particular madness.

So what's wrong with me?

In a nutshell, I have a deep-seated need to be vein-throbbingly, eye-bulgingly stressed out when I travel. Airplane travel in particular.

I have missed several flights for no good reason at all. Many more times I've walked up to the gate after the airplane door has closed, simply because I lingered too long having a conversation or browsing a bookstore. Don't even get me started on packing. Back in the day I wouldn't start packing until after I should have left for the airport. Mel, with her one-week-before packing habit has reigned me in a little on that one.

In my defense, traveling was traumatic when I was a kid. My dad was a commercial pilot, a professional hothead, and serially disorganized. He embodied the perfect storm of pre-flight mania. The tension would build as "zero hour" approached. Soon, he would be raging around the house screaming "Where's my g#ddamn xyz!?!?" and us kids would be flying to and fro in mock search mode -- much more intent on looking effective instead of actually looking.

When we took a trip with dad it was only that much worse. Back in those days there were airline dress codes to adhere to, as well as certain expectations of decorum. Well, anyway... no need to divulge stories of 7 year-old John when 40+ John is still making it happen.

What about the wallet?

So...We're minutes away from leaving Abu Dhabi for Vegas. Our bags are packed. The taxi will be arriving shortly. We're going to have ample time at the airport. Conditions are perfect. Too perfect.

Unconsciously, my brain is a saboteur working overtime. At about 11PM, 20 minutes before the taxi arrives, it dawns on me that I forgot to pack my business cards. "Oh well," you say, "forget them". Not me. I grab my keys and wallet and head out for the short walk to my office. If Mel suspects something she keeps it to herself.

After a quick detour to the corner grocery to buy some "cones" for the flight, I head to the office. I'm carrying my wallet in my hand. "What's this doing in my hand?" I think, "better put it in my pocket". I remember this clearly.

At my office, I pull out my wallet to get the electric card key, use my office keys to open the door, then rummage around and grab a mess of business cards. No time for fooling around, I throw everything into the cone bag, pick up today's paper and head back home. Bag in one hand, paper in the other. I remember this clearly, too.

Fast forward to the airport, tee-minus 1.5 hours until our flight. Going through security I pull my passport out of my laptop bag/man-purse, and begin to rummage for my wallet. I need 10 dirham to pay the portage guy. No wallet. WTF.

At the ticket counter, we deftly perform a simultaneous check-in and panic-search-of-all-hand-baggage. Nothing. We have 100 dirham ($27) between us. My ATM and credit cards are gone. Melanie has credit cards but no ATM (expired). Two days of travel, two weeks in Vegas, and we have no cash in our immediate future. Somewhere deep in my brain, a sick need is beginning to be fulfilled. But not completely...yet.

I make a quick calculation on the time required to taxi home, perform a panic wallet search, taxi back, go back through security, immigration, then to the gate. Perfectly executed, this maneuver would take 75 minutes total and I've got...well, 75 minutes. No margin for error? perfect. No cash for the taxi? Love it. I hand Mel the bags and sprint out of the airport.

Fortunately for my marriage, the timing worked out. I made it home and back, and made the flight.

Unfortunately for me and my taxi driver, my wallet was not there.

I had to spend an extra five minutes with him, begging, pleading, and finally swapping mobile numbers in a promise of untold riches when I came back in two weeks.

With a clever combination of replacement cards, online banking, and and local Wells Fargo branch, the cash situation worked out fine.

My wallet, of course, was lying on my office desk.

I've been back for three days. I guess I should settle up with that taxi driver.

Vegas Bound!

2008-08-13T06:46:00.001-07:00

Tonight we leave for Las Vegas, going to stay at a new hotel called Palazzo, the sister hotel of The Venetian. The rooms look really nice on the web site:

Looking forward to seeing friends and family, as well as re-acquainting with the USA. Hope to see you there!

Self Service Prediction: Total Failure

2008-08-10T04:46:00.001-07:00

While driving to Dubai last week, I was fascinated by a radio conversation between talk show hosts and a petrol distribution executive, discussing the topic of "Self Service". Gulf News has an article about it here. For those that live in full service countries, let me describe the process for you as described by the petrol exec:

Drive into the service station area
Wait in the queue until you arrive at the pump
Exit the vehicle, walk to the cashier
Pay the cashier, return to your vehicle
Pump your petrol
Get back in and drive away

For us American folks, this is standard operating procedure. But in the UAE this is going to be total anarchy. The executive stated that they were actually going to pilot this at 10 stations in Dubai and Sharjah. Entertainment opportunities abound. I wish I had recorded the show, but instead I'll paraphrase his statements and comment on this totally illogical idea.

"The goal of this pilot program is to test the concept. This idea is not designed to lower our costs."

Then why on earth are you doing it?

"The existing service personnel will be moved to new stations that we are building"

Thankfully the talk show host interrupted and stated that obviously this will save them money.

"No, not really"

Hmmm. Okay, moving on. The host didn't press it so neither will I. So again, what's the purpose?

"We have survey results from other studies showing that people actually enjoy pumping their own petrol"

This one killed me on so many levels. I bet these studies occurred where one does not suffer summer temps over 50 degrees and humidity that gives you that just-showered look as soon as you get out of the car.

Also, self service works in the US because there are many more gas stations per capita. It's rare to wait in line in the US, but in the UAE it's happens more often than not. I've seen traffic blocked on highways due to queues at the stations. I'm no expert, but I guarantee that any time study will show that a self-service will take triple the time of a full-service transaction.

Why triple? Because no mention was made of credit card capability. In the USA we call this "Pay at the Pump", which makes this concept palatable. You swipe your card and pump your gas. You don't have to hoof it to the shop, grab a bag of chips and a soda, wait in line, then pay. We tried that back in the 70's and 80's and it was a pain in the ass. Actually, triple the time is a conservative estimate.

So what's really going on here?

It's obvious that this is nothing more than a ploy to reduce labor costs and drive retail revenue. It's a nice idea, but it will never work. At least not until the number of stations is increased dramatically, with added outdoor air-conditioning and credit card terminals at each pump. A dose of humility for the local population wouldn't hurt either :)

Not sure if this is good or bad...

2008-08-01T01:42:00.000-07:00

...but it was kinda fun. The pressure got to me in the last minute and I experienced total brain lock. Who forgets Australia?

47

All Hail My Mommy!

2008-07-30T11:21:00.000-07:00

What if before we were born we got to drift around Earth invisibly with the purpose of looking for the right people to be our parents? We could observe potential expecting couples in secret, comparing them with our checklist of desired qualities in hopes they will endow you with an idyllic childhood and strong character. I quite like that idea; perhaps we get that chance and just forget once the veil of birth is dropped.

I know without a doubt that if my hypothesis is true I most definitely picked out my own Mother.

I can totally see myself descending on her, thinking what a fabulous looking chick – those genes would certainly start me off in the right direction.

And then I’d look closer and see that she’s singing to that baby in the womb, in fact she’s actually writing a journal to her unborn little girl to tell her how much she loves her already. And if that didn’t clinch the deal, just look at that incredibly perfect handwriting! I’m sure I glommed her instantly and told any other pre-birth spirits to move along, she’s mine.

My selection was so on the mark. Judy has unlimited energy when it comes to loving her children. She throws down this epic, mega, bowl-you-over intensity of love that literally floats you through your whole life just knowing she’s there to nurse your broken hearts and console you after failed attempts to win. As a result I have been quite fearless in life and I owe her props for many of my successes. And let’s not forget the fact that she pretty much commanded me to go out with her and socialize with men against my will…which was the night I met my husband!

When John and I first told my Mom last December that we were moving to Abu Dhabi she burst into tears. Not really knowing the difference between the U.A.E. and other volatile countries in the Middle East my Mom was terrified for us. (actually this was the most common reaction we received) It’s taken many months of reassurances through emails coupled with blog postings to bring my Mom around, and when I wished against logic that she would come here for a visit I was actually granted yet another wish. (hello, Law of Attraction! And my generous husband!)

My Mom has never traveled outside the U.S. that required a passport, which has always been hard for me to understand. But today we received an email from her that said:

“I must tell you that because of you I will be seeing things that I never expected to see in my lifetime. I never thought that this would be possible for me. Traveling to a faraway place always seemed like something reserved for the wealthy and we were always just making ends meet to raise our family. None of my friends ever went to exotic places on vacation so I just never let my mind wrap itself around exploring very far beyond 300 - 400 miles. I think that part of that was because everybody that I loved best was within that distance and spending time with loved ones was my highest priority.”

I sucked in my breath and held my heart after reading that because I understood it was because her dear family was not many zip codes away that she didn’t feel the need to travel the world. And though I thought it wasn’t possible, I felt even more grateful to have chosen a Mother who loves us with a heart so strong we can be so much of the world to her.

Today is my Mommy Judy’s birthday; it doesn’t matter the number because her intensity and joie de vivre has never lessened since my birth. May you all be blessed with a Mommy so fabulous...or at least when you pick yours out next time.

My 3 year old Tex-Mex craving is satisfied

2008-07-26T01:31:00.001-07:00

I have been craving Tex-Mex for 3 years. After reading this post from the Schwarz family and hearing a rumor of a decent Mexican restaurant in the Khalidiya mall, we decided to give Mexican food in Abu Dhabi the old college try. This would be our first attempt, and we had meager expectations.

It's not just since I've been in AD that something's been missing in my gastronomic life. My California friends may gasp at this -- but Mexican food in Cali sucks. Yes, I've grown to accept it, and actually enjoy the salsa at Alejandra's. But, on the whole it's just awful. Dry beans. Chips from a bag. Enchiladas taste like rolled empty tortillas, topped with canned sauce and government cheese. Almost like the ones they used to serve us in high school.

Call me a food snob if you will, but remember, I wandered to Cali hailing from Dallas/Fort Worth -- the promised land of Tex-Mex:

Mia's

Javier's

Mi Cocina

Blue Goose

Uncle Julio's

Joe T's

La Calle Doce

My Dallas friends (do any of you read this blog?) are putting on their shoes and grabbing their keys as they read this. They know a good thing when they have it.

So imagine my surprise when we stroll up to the second floor of the mall and see this:

Yes, it's THAT Cantina Laredo, with probably 10 restaurants in DFW (none in CA). I started salivating right away. Not that Cantina Laredo is the pinnacle of Tex-Mex, but it IS Tex-Mex and it's here in Abu Dhabi!

I am no food critic, but suffice it to say that I powered through 3 baskets of chips (hey they were small!) as the salsa was terrific. The guacamole was okay (I like Que Pasa's better, go figure) but I never liked it much in Texas so couldn't really compare. I finished off with a heavenly cheese and onion enchilada and a decent asada taco (beef wasn't charred enough).

The craving was satisfied.

We each spent the rest of yesterday with a blissful stomach ache. I want to go back tomorrow.

Egypt says: Welcome Back?

2008-07-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

Most of you who know me are aware of my affinity for Egypt. I was enthralled with it as a kid and I fancied becoming an Egyptologist who would be the one to prove once and for all that the Egyptians had magical powers (um…like me). The idealism of the afterlife and the perfection of artistic expression in ancient Egypt certainly resonated with me for some reason. I don’t want to get all Shirley Maclaine on you dear friends, but if you can wrap your mind around the concept of past lives I think I could have burned up a few there. Heck we all did probably; that culture has been churning away the longest on this planet.

I fell in love with Egypt in a massive way. The ancient sites gave me never-ending waves of spine chills, but almost just as riveting was the street life every place we went. Decay and rotting mystery food decorated every street, but the people just stepped around it and ran up to me to smile and say hello. I adored each and every one of them.

I think the best thing for me to do is share my most memorable moments and favorites, which would be:

Most amazing moment: Watching the Nile shore go by from our cruise ship, just as young Egyptian boys ran to the waters edge to yell “HELLO!!! I LOVE YOU!!!” while waving and blowing us kisses.

Scariest moment: Halfway inside the scorching hot channel to the tomb of the Great Pyramid in Giza, we came to the cramped little shaft that was about 3 feet tall we’d have to climb to get to the tomb chamber. There was no end in sight. I had to sit down on the floor to gather all the strength I had to confront going up this shaft bent down and breathing the hottest air into my lungs in all my life. Thank goodness the strength appeared.

Freakiest thing spotted from my car window in Cairo: Bloody amputated camel legs in the back of a pickup. JUST THE LEGS.

Cutest thing spotted from my car window while careening through Cairo: A man pushing a large wooden cart FILLED with sunshine yellow baby chicks. I actually heard the peeping chicks quite loudly even with the windows rolled up. (picture included in my gallery)

Favorite purchase in Egypt: A shiny sterling pendant of an Egyptian coffin, complete with separate sterling mummy inside. John asked me the other day “Is that a permanent fixture?”, pointing at the coffin around my neck. Me: ‘Afraid so.” This is not merely some morbid little glitterbomb, it is a piece of beauty I look at daily that reminds me “Your dream came true.”

Most dreaded moment: When Tikey failed at her attempt to do stealth filming in the tomb of Ramses II in the Valley of the Kings and the Egyptian police confiscated OUR video camera.

Moment of most relief: When our tour guide Abdou handled the video camera situation by bribing the police the correct amount to retrieve our camera.

Most treasured moment: On my 40^th birthday, the last night of our vacation I went alone to see the sound and light show at the Great Pyramids and Sphinx in Giza. John and Glenn had already returned home, and Tikey had seen the show earlier during our trip. For the first few moments of the show I reflected upon my last forty years while I watched some other things that were really, really old. I sat in the audience with the chair next to me purposely empty to symbolize my (deceased) Father being invited to share this moment with me, and all the other beloved souls that were off living exciting lives elsewhere on the planet and whatever lies in between.

Perfume purchased for this trip: Dune by Christian Dior (seems obvious, doesn’t it?)

I must thank my amazing husband John for indulging every Egyptian fantasy I’ve ever had with this trip because it could not have been better. We saw scads of ancient sites from Luxor to Aswan up to Cairo and finally Alexandria, with a cruise on the Nile sandwiched in between. We had multiple tour guides to cater to our every whim who made us feel like pharaohs with outrageously royal treatment (http://www.deltatoursegypt.com/index.htm). And last but not least, John’s sister Tikey and her husband Glenn’s splendid company was the icing on the (birthday) cake.

If you would like to see the photographs I took in Egypt, where I often spent 25 Egyptian pounds just for the right to use my tripod at each site (the Egyptian government shamelessly shakes down all tourists) my gallery can be viewed here: http://BlackDahlia.zenfolio.com/p1621345/

Welcome to Cairo

2008-07-10T06:26:00.001-07:00

For Mel and I, there was brief span of time between our improbable first encounter and the realization that we would be spending the rest of our lives together. I think this period would normally be called "dating", but we powered right through it. We squeezed the "getting to know you" phase into an amazingly short and thorough process. Think of it as a job interview that lasted 3 months. We're getting freakin' old -- we've got better things to do.

One of the common things we did during this time was make lists. We're good at that. Of these lists, perhaps the best is a consolidation of places we'd travel together.

Egypt was in my top 5, It was Mel's number 1. I won't steal her thunder, but suffice to say it's been her #1 since childhood.

My own interest in Egypt was almost exclusively focused on the Pyramids at Giza. My dad was a "Chariots of the Gods" type who had many books on alternative purposes for the pyramids. I've read many of them and while I don't necessarily subscribe to any of their theories, they piqued a more mundane fascination with the structures, their construction, and the civilization that considered them so important.

Anyway, this is a vacation blog so let's get to it!

First off, Cairo is a mess. It's a big, beautiful, dirty, manic, and fun mess. The whole time I was in Cairo I kept thinking of Ozymandias. Only Shelly got it wrong. Ozy shouldn't be so desolate and alone. There should be Egyptian kids playing on top of him, families camped out living in his shade, and hawkers hassling the tourists for camel rides.

Cairo seems to be in a state of bustling decay. The best example I can think of is the Cities of the Dead. These are essentially huge graveyards filled with tombs that, due to lack of housing, families have inhabited. Our guide told us that there could be a burial going on with a wedding party in full swing at the tomb next door.

Also -- I would never drive in Cairo. I thought the UAE was bad. I wondered aloud why they even bother to paint lane markers on the roads. Bumper to bumper traffic with no lanes is one thing, but the pedestrians top it all off. Cairenes will cross any street with impunity, striding purposefully between moving cars without any hint of fear. I guess in a game of chicken between car and human, showing fear is a huge mistake.

Plenty more to come, here are some pictures of our first couple of days in Cairo. First off, Mel took a sweet HDR tourist shot:

Heading up to the entrance of the Great Pyramid:

HDR of Cairo from the pyramid site:

Beautiful decay. Taking my chances on a vintage elevator:

A Taste of Egypt

2008-07-04T11:21:00.001-07:00

Hi Folks,

We're back from Egypt and working hard on compiling the scads of photos and videos.

I think I speak for all of us when I say that it was the trip of a lifetime.

Here's a little video preview -- Mel and I at the pyramids...

Guest Blog: Happy 4th of July

2008-07-04T10:22:00.000-07:00

Talk about weird.
How do you celebrate the founding of our country that now boasts 232 years of history after coming back from visiting Egypt? This country has one of the oldest civilizations in the world with over 5000 years of culture, religion, artifacts, mysteries and unfathomable monuments. It's not that I'm dissing our heritage. I just wonder how to resolve the differences and give us some credit. We in America collect antiques that are pretty rare if they were made in the 1800's when the Egyptians would consider 1800 BC "New Kingdom". It is truly amazing to me that these people created the pyramids, temples and huge monuments to their gods with little more than copper tool technology. They didn't even have the wheel yet. In America, we get excited when we find an arrowhead.
So many things impressed me about Egyptian antiquities. I can't really start on that because I'm still on information overload and blissful reminicing from the trip. But what really impressed me is that the Egyptians have such pride in their heritage. They like themselves and are eager for others (like us) to get to know them and about their lives.
Back to reality. We are now in Abu Dhabi.

How to prepare for guests in the Middle East

2008-06-11T08:35:00.000-07:00

As John and I wait anxiously for his sister Jennie and her husband Glenn to arrive in 10 hours from California, I thought I would share the process I’ve gone through in preparation for our first house guests from the U.S.A. My hostessing skills are inspired by my friend Anna Apostolos & my Mom of course…and what’s remaining can just be attributed to my OCD.

Get car washed the day before, even though it will look dirty the following day. Buy air freshener gel beads scented with strong Arabian Oud to arrest the senses upon entry.

Pressure husband for 2 weeks in advance to purchase fluffy white robe for the guest bathroom. Don’t give up when he says no. Once blessing is secured, purchase luxury robe and wait to wash it the night before guests arrive so it smells like a Downey bomb.

Test out the guest bathroom by actually using the shower to avoid unexpected plumbing problems. Pay special attention to color and smell of water.

Purchase ornately stamped aluminum tissue box holders imported from Iran and distribute throughout the house. This is a Kleenex culture; tissues are used for napkins, drying hands in the bathroom, and for punctuating fancy table tops. Insert oud scented tissues to ensure Arabian aroma will be seared onto the brain for all eternity.

Drink all the wine in the house. This will provide entertainment for guests when we take them to Spinney’s to replenish our stash. Westerners are amused when entering this virtual speakeasy and will enjoy feeling naughty for buying alcohol.

Clean in places you’ve never attempted to before. Slide rolled up wet paper towels in between small gaps between kitchen appliances even though no one will ever look there except you. Try to use up the last of the paper towels so you have a full roll on the counter. Why this is important to me is baffling, but it is.

Go to the grocery and buy all the foods you never allow yourself to eat: gourmet chocolates, imported cheeses, chips, crackers, croissants, popcorn – all your favorites. Rationalize its okay to personally indulge so as not to make the guests feel uncomfortable.

Buy elegantly boxed chocolate covered dates with images of men riding camels in front of pyramids at sunset, leave on bedside table in guest room. Make sure both boxes are evenly spaced. (someone have a therapist they can recommend in the UAE?)

Drape freshly strung jasmine flowers across each guest bed pillow and close the door to lock in the fragrance.

And for those friends and family who will be visiting throughout this year, I promise I will only add to this list as I dream up more ways to spoil my beloveds.

I'm Bored So Here's Another Top 5 List

2008-06-05T11:49:00.001-07:00

Hey Kids. It's another weekend in Abu Dhabi. We thought about going to the mall. About the only one we can stand on a weekend night is Madinat Zayed. Everything else will be insanely busy, especially as the evening drags on. Madinat Zayed is a mall for normal folks like us, lots of shops where you can buy dress shirts for 30AED and bootleg video games to shoo the boredom away. They have a killer Bon Food court that gives you maximum calories for your hard earned dirham. It's the mall to choose when there's nothing left to do but go to the mall.

Alas, we blew it off. We made a salad, drank wine, and now surf the Internet. It's time for bloggin'.

After the second bottle (A South African '04 Cabernet), while trying to indoctrinate my beautiful bride on the musical genius of Yes, I stumbled upon my next top 5 list.

John's Top 5 Bands of His Youth

Feel free to surf on my friends, if this sounds indulgent, trivial, or irrelevant. We both know it is.

Let me first say that music was my universe in those days. Too shy for girls, too chicken-shit for drinking -- I was a dungeonmaster dork to the max, and music made sense to me. I won't belabor it, since I assume that many in my generation feel the same way, but the music that I listened to planted me firmly in my social circle. Rednecks listened to country, Preppies listened to top 40, and the rest of us splintered into various factions of Rock. I guess today you'd say I belonged to the Album Oriented Rock subculture. We were bludgeoned by the monstrous anthemic hits spewing from our Rockford-Fosgate amplifiers, Jensen speakers, and Clarion decks --sourced by our beloved friends at KZEW Dallas Texas. The songs were terribly long and the lyrics obscure, we but we understood. We belonged.

In order of fanatitude, here lie the bands to which I pledged my immortal teenage soul:

1. Rush

Truth be told, this should actually be a top 2 list. I was introduced to Rush by my best friend, mentor, and spiritual guru Dave in let's say 1981. It was an infatuation that would span my entire high school career, and carried on until I discovered girls in college. I am a lifetime fan club member, and have the black satin jacket to prove it. The ultimate sign of geekdom, and I personified it. Their pseudo-intellectual lyrics and lack of mainstream acceptance suited me just fine. Plus they totally rocked live. I still listen to Rush...occasionally.

2. The Police

Running number two in my rock perfecta, the Police were the ultimate foil to my brainiac number one pick. Let's be honest here. I wanted to be Sting. He personified cool back then, and I'll be damned if he still isn't pretty cool. Oh well. Looking back on it now I have to say that Stewart Copeland deserves more than an equal share for defining their sound, and Andy Summers sounded like a guy that was halfway in the band. Just a hack musician's perspective, don't get uppity.

3. U2

U2 was a newcomer, after #1 and #2 had already been cemented. But damn if they didn't put up a good fight. Here's a challenge: Spend an evening at an Irish pub, drinking nothing but black & tans, then go home, crank up the hi-fi and listen to your choice of either War or (my preference) The Unforgettable Fire. You will be moved. These were historical events, my friends.

4. Led Zeppelin

Not exactly contemporaries of mine, I understand, but these guys spoke my language. The Zoo played them every fourth song it seemed and nobody seemed to care. I can still recall drifting to sleep listening to "Ten Years Gone", transported to a better time and place. That's what music was to me back then.

5. Yes

These guys, in all their incarnations (Buggles, Asia, etc.) made some killer music. Just the right mix of obscure lyrics and mad music skills to whip high school dorks like me to a frenzy. My favorites were the obligatory "Starship Trooper" and "And You and I".

Broadcasting American Ignorance

2008-05-29T07:03:00.000-07:00

Bigotry, discrimination and prejudice of any kind deeply disturbs me, and I have enjoyed its absence from my life by design. The sort of friends and associates I keep would never comprehend judging others by their gender, race, or miscellaneous preferences and my sane little tribe really did feel universal to me.

So I’m unexpectedly forced back into the real world by messages I’m receiving about U.S. perceptions of Muslims that are innocently channeled back here to the Middle East via American television shows. American shows are very popular here and watched by all cultures by benefit of far too many subtitles which often obliterate the speaker’s image on the screen. Strangely, I don’t even notice them flashing on the screen anymore.

I cringed as we watched this episode of Oprah where a staged situation had a woman in Muslim dress be refused service at a bakery and verbally abused to see if the other patrons would come to her defense. Sadly, the majority of the customers at this Texas bakery did nothing and some even chimed in with racist insults and publicly humiliated her. My heart hurt as I watched this scene unfold, knowing that Muslims all across the Middle East would be exposed to this small sampling of American behavior and conclude that Americans despise all Muslims. And so the disconnect between the cultures is reinforced.

The Dr. Phil show is another American T.V. import that aired this series last week about a young blonde American girl who met a guy from Palestine on MySpace and flew to the Middle East to be with him. Yes, it was true that he turned out to not be the best of guys and yes, she behaved impulsively and scared her parents to death by running off to be with a man she barely knew on the other side of the world. But throughout the series the button was pushed hard over and over that the Middle East is nowhere for an American to be, and that all Middle Eastern men are dangerous and abusive. Again, I was keenly aware of how this program was being received in households across the land and I wished out loud to John that someone at the TV station had the sense to omit airing these episodes in the Middle East.

And finally today my friend Gina sent me a link to this post about a Rachel Ray commercial that was pulled in the U.S. because this scarf she is wearing is ‘similar to those worn by murderous Islamic extremists.’

This piece absolutely horrified me. To think that people in my home country do not realize that the vast majority of Muslims are peaceful and only a small percentage are extremists is so upsetting to me that I want to kick my table over at this moment. Or cry. Our two worlds are physically so far apart that I wonder how this gap of prejudice will be closed when we are not exposed to each other’s cultures except by media examples like this.

Let's go to the Mall!

2008-05-27T00:10:00.001-07:00

It's the weekend. We're in Abu Dhabi. There's no getting around it -- we will end up in a mall sooner or later. In a mall you'll find the best grocery stores, theatres, and air conditioning. And if you look really closely, the best entertainment...

Here you'll find a chubby guy and a future chubby guy waiting for their buttery carbo-licious pretzels. I asked Mel to document this moment so we could all ponder the ultimate question: "How many people does it take to bake a pretzel, anyway?" Apparently the correct answer is 6. That must be the minimum though, since it took about 15 minutes.

Next we have a super duper telephone thingy. It's made of really expensive materials. With this device you can call anyone in the world that has a telephone. I think it also plays Tetris and will store your phone numbers so you don't have to remember them. Simply amazing. I thought about getting it but at AED196,100 ($54,319) it was a little pricey. I'll wait for the technology to go mainstream.

I was happy with pretzel goodness, but sad without my telephone. To cheer myself up I juggled for some Ikea babies. One seemed quite pleased but the other obviously disapproved.

Pickup Lines in the Middle East

2008-05-20T03:30:00.000-07:00

Recently while shopping on my own at Max for new workout clothes I was startled when a voice directly behind me cooed, “Excuse me Miss, are you an air hostess?” When I whirled around I was surprised to find the voice belonged to a woman in her 50’s who was dressed head to toe in black, her elegant abaaya and hajib trimmed in sparkling jewels. I was mostly surprised because Muslim women rarely initiate conversations with me, so I was just delighted to find myself in sudden conversation with her.

When I replied no and inquired why she is looking for an air hostess, she said, “No, no, no – you have the body of an air hostess. You are exactly my son’s type – are you married yet? I really like your body.” As the woman looked me up and down quite like a man would, examining my proportions with a slight smile, my brain could barely comprehend this foreign pickup routine. She continued to campaign for her son’s good looks and wealth before I snapped out of my shock and politely declined, confessing that I have the good fortune to already be happily married.

Without skipping a beat, the woman inquired, “Well, do you have any single friends that look like you?

So all you blonde girls out there with bangs and a healthy sized bottom, I’ve got a tall, dark, handsome & rich guy for you! You’ll just need to make a few dramatic prayer and wardrobe changes…

Speaking of Las Vegas...

2008-05-13T03:47:00.001-07:00

It's official.

We're going.

Mid-August. Dates are yet to be determined.

Come one, come all. Tikey bring the doggies -- everyone else bring your folding money, your appetite, and a healthy sense of shame.

Top 10: Why Abu Dhabi is not Las Vegas

2008-05-05T12:12:00.001-07:00

I'm a hurtin' puppy. I need a massive dose of Vegas. Anyone want to join me? I need to spend a solid weekend in that semi-buzzed, insomniatic, high-on-craps haze that I love so well. I want to eat Alberto's tacos at 5 in the morning and drink a bloody mary when I get up at noon. I want to sit in a befuddled, over-stimulated stupor in a sports book for six hours straight, have a 4,000 calorie steak dinner, then anchor a blackjack table through 3 shifts of dealers. I want to try, for the first time, to outlast my mother-in-law in a game of party-all-night.

I have officially decided that Abu Dhabi is the Anti-Vegas. Why, you ask? Here are my top 10 reasons:

The only T&A visible here are toes and ankles.
I refuse to have a glass of wine at dinner here because I have to drive 3 blocks home.
In Abu Dhabi, You can't bet on horse racing -- not even at the race track.
All of the people walking the streets of Abu Dhabi act like they are losing. At least in Vegas you'll get to see the occasional obnoxious winner.
Regularly scheduled prayer call vs. a regularly scheduled volcano.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. If something happens in Abu Dhabi it happens at the mall.
Vegas: 1 dollar beer, hot dog and video poker. Here? 4 Dirham Shawarma and a game of watch-the-traffic.
Summer in Vegas can hit 115 degrees with 5% humidity. Abu Dhabi? the same, but 60% humidity.
In Vegas, rowdy drunken tourists have the time of their lives. Abu Dhabi? Rowdy drunken foreigners get to choose between a whipping or three months in jail, plus a trip back to their country of origin.
One is a barren desert crossroads in which no one in their right mind would choose to live. The very reason that the city even exists boils down to one simple thing... Um, yeah well...I guess they're both the same on this one.

Rise of the Rest

2008-05-04T11:15:00.001-07:00

Here in Abu Dhabi, we are seeing this dynamic unfold right in front of us:

Fareed Zakaria’s ‘The Post-American World’ Newsweek International Newsweek.com

This is an excellent article depicting the upside of Globalization. While it doesn't adequately address resource and environmental issues, it's a breath a fresh air -- a nice respite from the doom and gloom we're inundated with lately.

I especially enjoyed the perspective on the media's contribution to our sense of uneasiness:

"Why do we think we live in scary times? Part of the problem is that as violence has been ebbing, information has been exploding. The last 20 years have produced an information revolution that brings us news and, most crucially, images from around the world all the time. The immediacy of the images and the intensity of the 24-hour news cycle combine to produce constant hype."

As Mike likes to say, "Amen, brother!"

Friends Wanted: Apply Now!

2008-05-02T05:14:00.000-07:00

With the UAE population consisting of 80% ex-pats, I was frothing with excitement to make friends with people from parts of the world I have relatively zero familiarity with. I turned my nose up at ex-pat women’s groups because I can make friends with Americans any time I want back home. No, this was my chance to meet exotic people with exotic tales of lands I have much ignorance about.

But it was not so easy as I expected. Though I was surrounded by exotic faces when out on the street or in the shops, I felt a disconnection between us I did not quite understand. Although people were friendly, there was a polite distance that felt difficult to close. Not one to give up easily, I devised a brilliant plan.

It came to me as I drove by a busy taxi stand, one of many stationed throughout the city. I would transform our trusty rental car into a taxi! I planned to fashion a sign out of cardboard and carefully write ‘taxi’ in English and Arabic on it just like the real taxis have, tape it onto the top of our car and offer people free rides in exchange for stories about themselves. With enthusiasm out the roof I told John of my exciting plan and watched his face turn from interest to horror. He said he didn’t like the idea of me getting kicked out of the country so soon. Game over.

A couple days later I was shopping at my favorite high trend/low end store here called Max when I ran into this incredible bundle of energy & smiles in the form of a petite Filipino girl named Janet. We hit it off and spent an hour talking in the aisle while she straightened and re-straightened the merchandise there in her department. We exchanged phone numbers and began meeting for lunch and other adventures around town during which she would give me bits and pieces of her story.

Janet came to Abu Dhabi via an Arabian agency in the Philippines that scouts for labor to send to the UAE which must import all its unskilled labor (and a majority of its skilled labor, too). I have come to know that the Nationals prefer Filipinos above other ethnicities for unskilled labor because of their hardworking yet ever-cheerful work ethic and willingness to work for very small pay. In the UAE it is not inappropriate or considered discrimination to specify in want ads the desired ethnicity for a position, which was quite shocking for me to discover. And apparently, British and American skilled labor does not even need to bother with obtaining a work visa being that they are the preferred workforce ethnicity. But I digress.

Janet came here three years ago at age 23 on a contract that pays her around $400 U.S. dollars a month which includes a small studio apartment she shares with another contract worker. She was grateful for the opportunity because it is still more than she can make back home, plus she needs to fulfill her duty to support her elderly parents as her other siblings do. Janet expressed guilt over sending only half of her salary ($200) home as she feels she is being too selfish. It began then to make sense why she repeatedly asked me about when I’d have a child; she was so very concerned for me and my future without one. Because who would take care of me when I’m old?

Janet enjoys practicing new English words in our conversations that she learns on her favorite show Smallville and amusingly relates which character ‘teaches’ her the new word. Our adventures have also included a visit to a Western-type grocery store to show me the ‘secret pork room’ that is quite a rarity here as eating pork or even touching a pig is against the Muslim religion. A favorite outing was to Heritage Village where an Egyptian man dazzled us by creating an intricate perfume bottle with a swan inside while I was permitted to help. After cheering and applauding the finished product, Janet very sweetly inquired if she could purchase the bottle for me. I had to conceal the tears in my eyes as I gently refused such a generous gift.

One more little story about Janet. A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of giving Janet a photo shoot. Janet is a beautiful girl but is troubled by a large birthmark that covers the entire right half of her forehead. She has explained that even as a laborer she is valued much on her appearance, and has lost many jobs because of her ‘imperfection’. She agreed to the shoot if I promised to show her what she looked like without her birthmark, so being that I have no tripod or lighting equipment I shot her up at our rooftop pool where there was plenty of available light. She did not complain about getting into the water which had no shallow end, though she admitted when we were through that she couldn’t swim.

Janet was enthralled by her image that showed a clear forehead, and said ‘For once I am beautiful’. I had to disagree – Janet was always a breathtaking beauty.

Click here to see Janet’s Gallery.

Border Run

2008-04-25T23:16:00.000-07:00

Being that our resident visas are not quite worked out yet, we needed to exit the U.A.E. and re-enter in order to get new stamps that would allow us to extend our visitor’s visas another 60 days. Instead of just making a turn around border run (which John has already done once by air) we chose an overnight visit to neighboring country Oman. Or more precisely, the Sultanate of Oman, which is its official name. We stayed in Sohar, the fabled birthplace of Sinbad the Sailor, at a hotel right on the beach that was absolutely breathtaking upon arrival. We had our own little Arabian cottage at the Sohar Beach Hotel which although in need of an update of furnishings was very charming. We had an absolutely enormous living room, plus a kitchenette, two bathrooms and a bedroom with windows that faced the beach just a couple feet away.

I had one of my favorite dinners since arriving in the Middle East and perhaps of all time as the setting was truly incredible. The hotel itself resembles an Arabian fort-type palace, stark white with many rounded buildings with the shape of crowns on top. The main restaurant had a large deck patio with dining tables, with steps down to the lawn and about ten more tables with twinkling candles burning inside exotic Arabian glass chambers atop each table. What made the atmosphere exquisite was a long lattice-topped corridor covered in fuchsia-colored jasmine, and because the temperature was so warm and still the flower's fragrance drifted like hypnotic perfume to our table on the soft lawn. I could not stop gushing to John about the delicious aroma in the air because the jasmine was also mixed with the smell of sea air, burning fires and our waiter's very good cologne. I said it is very rare to experience a whole new symphony of smells like this, and in such a bewitching setting! I felt so lucky to be there and experiencing something so magical and ancient in feeling, and above all so Arabian. The fact that this hotel was probably not more than 30 years old did not break my illusion.

Over dinner and a bottle of Chianti John & I revealed our impressions of Arabia to each other in explicit detail, and though many opinions were not as rosy as our first impressions, we appreciate the great gift it is to learn first hand about a part of the world that is so misunderstood by most Americans. And what is misunderstood is too often feared.

I wanted so much to capture this place on film at night but without a tripod it was just not possible. I wished out loud that my Mom was with us because she would totally get it and be in rapture right along with me. I took many pictures of the hotel grounds in the morning and although still beautiful, the magic sparkle was replaced with blinding hot sun. We took a short dip in the Arabian Sea, our first time to experience it as we are surrounded by the Persian Gulf in the U.A.E, and I screamed excitedly when I felt it to be much warmer than any day I've tested the Hawaiian waters.

As we drove back we were dazzled by beautiful desert-scape of jagged rock mountain formations that reminded us of our drives together to Vegas, somewhere in between Barstow and Baker. Most of the desert we’ve seen in the Emirates is unremarkable and flat, so it was a welcome sight to see such a display of geological wonders. If you’d like to see more photos of our visit to Oman, here is a link to my Oman photo gallery.

My Investing Anecdote

2008-04-21T00:04:00.001-07:00

My dad, who passed away about 8 years ago, was an enthusiastic guy. In the later stages of his life, he was especially hyped about investing. These were the glorious bubble days of the dot com era, and he was hooked. I still recall an email from him, where in one paragraph he extolled the virtues of Worldcom, Covad, and Northpoint. These stocks are all nearly worthless now, the ex-CEO of Worldcom is serving a hefty prison sentence.

Being one of the earliest models of a tech geek, he was in love with computers and the Internet. He was a pilot for most of his life, but at one time worked for IBM and spoke fondly of those days. Dad claimed that he invented the cartridge caulking gun, and that IBM had the rights to the patent. He had a penchant for tall tales so we've never followed up on his claim.

It stands to reason that 1977 was big year for my dad. Right around my 11th birthday, we were first in line to pick up an Apple II from an electronics store in New Jersey for the exorbitant sum of $1,298. It was a wonderment to my dad. Before then he was content to program and play games on his TI calculator. The Apple II had infuriating limitations, such as no video adapter included, only a cassette tape for storage, and a whopping 4K of RAM. We had to wait until the next year to buy the 5 1/4" floppy drive, which seemed like a gift from the Gods. But we loved it anyway and spent hours on it every day. We played games, monkeyed around with PEEKs and POKEs, were amazed by hi-res graphics, learned floating point basic, and had a killer time. We kept upgrading that thing until it finally reached the point of irrelevance somewhere around 1985.

When Apple announced their IPO in December 1980, dad and I discussed purchasing shares. We both loved the company and their products. On the day of the IPO, he announced that he had purchased a large number of shares. I guess I was about as excited as a 14-year-old can get about stocks. Over the years he would mention the shares, and he always said he still had them. As time passed, I eventually forgot about them.

When Dad passed away I was appointed the executor of his estate. He had made a good living as a pilot, and enjoyed a comfortable retirement, but he was no Rockefeller so I handled most of the duties myself.

While going through his financial documents I stumbled upon the Apple stock certificates. I couldn't believe he had kept them! Just to give you an idea of my thinking, let's take a look at the chart:

Why was I so excited? The stock had split 2-1 three times over the years, and today commands a price over $161. In other words, every share that Dad bought for $22 back in 1980 would be worth $1288 today (a 5800% gain).

So what was the "large number" of shares that dad had purchased? Had Dad made us all millionaires with his foresight and wisdom?

20 Shares.

A respectable amount ($500 initial investment), and certainly nothing to sneeze at -- but small in comparison to the amounts he'd play around with dabbling in bubble stocks.

Chalk up one more victory for long term investing in a company you believe in.

Oh and before you hit me up for a loan you should know that my Mom has the Apple certificates now :)

Come Back Kate

2008-04-13T08:33:00.001-07:00

About two years ago, I was invited to participate in a documentary based on British singer/songwriter Kate Bush by two Dutch film makers.

I saw the film titled ‘Come Back Kate’ for the first time yesterday (it premiered on TV the night before in Europe) and I can't begin to express how outraged I am over the final product. Not just because it is an extremely unflattering portrait of a handful of Kate Bush fans, but because I am unfortunately included as one of them in a carefully edited vignette designed to present me as a crazed fan.

When I was approached to be in this film, it was pitched as a documentary about accomplished artists who were inspired in some way by Kate Bush. We would be sharing our opinion on her art and its effects on our own creativity (mine being photography) as well as our personal stories about her music.

The film I saw yesterday was a display of freaks seemingly obsessed with a reclusive artist.

I feel utterly betrayed and could barely sleep last night as I imagined how I would confront the film makers about their deceit. I was interviewed for two solid days and none of what I spoke about in regards to my photography, the power of music, or the effects of artists on other artists was included in my segment. Instead only the clips were plucked that might best present me as a weirdo.

John & I immediately scoured the Internet looking for commentary, and came across this forum.

I became exceptionally inflamed when I read this translated interview with the film makers Quirine Racké and Helena Muskens. Here they embellish the truth in order to showcase me as a near lunatic:

Interviewer: And what kind of people are these? Are these... can you...
HM: All kinds of people
Interviewer: Young, old?
HM: Young, old...
Interviewer: Male, female?
HM: Men, women, a professor in philosophy, erm artists, all kinds of people
Interviewer: How far does this madness extend?
HM:I don't know whether it's madness...
Interviewer: Well...
HM: ... it rather is fascination. In the film it shows whether it is mad. We leave that up to you after you have seen it.
Interviewer: What is a strong example of fascination?
HM: Well, for example, one of the main characters of the film frequently visits a ghost town in Death Valley
QR: The desert
HM: The desert
QR: In the US
HM: In the US, where she hears her music. She hears it in a special room. In the ghost town there is a theater run by an 80 year old woman who still performs once a week.
Interviewer: Yes
HM: And this woman she associates with Kate Bush. But there she listens to the music and puts on her prettiest dress. She drives along in her Porsche, puts on her dress, takes along a boom box, puts on the music and then dances on Kate Bush's music in the desert.
Interviewer: Could you still call this fascination or have we reached the borders of insanity?

This portrait of me is quite twisted truth. A good deal of my interview (all cut) was also about my ballerina friend Marta Becket who lives in Death Valley Junction whom I’ve been visiting for 20+ years. She is now quite old (early 80’s) but continues to perform ballet, mime, and her own songs in the old opera house there and is quite a phenomenal talent. She is the original reason that I would go to Death Valley, to enjoy long visits with her and it is for her show that I would wear a nice dress out of respect.

I never danced like a kook in the desert to Kate Bush songs – except at the film maker’s request. I wish there was some explanation in the film about the dress I was wearing on the mountain top, which obviously just translates as bizarre in the film. This was a dress I designed specifically for an Earth Day event in my home town; there was a contest for clothing made from trash or recycled goods and I won first prize with my paint chip ensemble. The film makers had seen the newspaper article on this event and had asked me to wear it as a further example of my art.

The forum poster named Arjan wisely asserted “… by smart editing you can easily change the truth. I am a film critic and have seen more than once documentary makers alter their images to their beliefs.” How right he is.

Here is a link for Marta Becket and Death Valley Junction, as well as an amazing documentary about her life that I highly recommend.

I could go on and on about how incensed I am over being duped like this. It would have required the same effort to make a profoundly meaningful film that celebrates how art begets art. I honestly believed these women when they described their cerebrally artistic viewpoint for the film - but instead they perverted the passion that an artist can inspire in others.

~Melanie Nelson

For those interested in my photography, here are links to my black & white and color portfolios.

Supplemental - 5/8/08

It seems this post of mine is getting some attention, and rather than be the author of something rather negative that goes out, I do want to add this.

I will certainly take away from this the exhilarating experience of the filming itself and the stamp it will leave upon me. I think one of the wildest things I've ever done is stand alone on that precipice at Zabriskie Point dancing and lip synching wile a large group of toursists watch me unseen by the camera's eye. Here I am, this girl pushing 40 in a dress made of paint chips while being filmed MTV-style. And even with my body white hot from embarrassment, and the sun blinding my eyes, I decided that holding back is not what an artist would do.

J&M's Top 5 Movies Where the Music Told the Story

2008-04-04T08:51:00.001-07:00

This is what blogs are all about. Turning personal conversations while driving into nuggets of banality for all to share. Anyway...

To us, the music in these movies was not only great -- it was essential to the telling of the story. The songs actually became their own character which interacted with the actors. Watching the movie, you knew, based on the music, the mood of the protagonists and where the story arc was headed. Some of these movies actually were not very good, but that doesn't matter. The music does.

Goodfellas: When the coda to Layla begins, we know we've reached a turning point for these wise guys. Every song has a purpose and is perfectly suited. Scorsese rules!
Boogie Nights: The 70's disco songs immersed you in the partydown naiveté of our beloved porno posse. When the rock&roll begins things get ugly. The Sister Christian scene is one of my favorites ever (the long shot of a maddening Wahlberg is classic). Bonus points for Drivers Seat which by itself is beautiful and sad.
Singles: I loved Seattle grunge. Doesn't it seem like forever ago when two people could fall in love in front of Layne Staley pouring his soul into an incredible Would? Poignant and perfect songs from Paul Westerberg (Replacements). Pearl Jam (back when they rocked), Soundgarden, Mudhoney, Hendrix, Pixies, Cult, and ... Public Enemy?! In a LOVE STORY?!? It worked for me what can I say.
Almost Famous: Hmmm...Two Cameron Crowe movies in a row? Coincidence? No way. Probably would have made this list with just the Tiny Dancer scene, but there are many more songs that are perfect. Music was the story. We've got Yes, Steely Dan, and Zeppelin. In a LOVE STORY!
The Breakfast Club: Dammit I'm such a dork. But I felt the pain of their clique-induced isolation and still do when I hear Simple Minds Don't You Forget About Me (I was a D&D nerd). I bought and lived the soundtrack.

Melanie's Top 5:

Honorable Mention: Kill Bill Volume 1 and Volume 2

What Every American Should Know About the Middle East

2008-04-01T07:09:00.001-07:00

It's a quick read and is very useful:

What Every American Should Know About the Middle East

I've learned all this since I've been here, but this link sums it up quite nicely.

Can Fashion Spark a Revolution?

2008-03-31T08:29:00.000-07:00

I wasn’t here very long before I became entranced with the custom of women covering their heads with scarves called the ‘hijab’. Everywhere I looked I saw women in various forms of concealment, ranging from street clothes with a scarf over the hair to full black cloak and the head completely covered, including the face. Craving understanding of the meaning behind this style of dress, I began to search the Internet and questioned a Muslim woman who was open to discuss it with me.

As you might have guessed, this uniform of sorts is religiously inspired and this explanation is offered on a Muslim woman’s website:

“A Muslim woman may wear whatever she pleases in the presence of her husband and family or among women friends. But when she goes out or when men other than her husband or close family are present she is expected to wear a dress which will cover all parts of her body, and which should not reveal the figure.”

Clothing must cover the entire body, only the hands and face may remain visible.

The material must not be so thin that one can see through it.

The clothing must hang loose so that the shape / form of the body is not apparent.

The female clothing must not resemble the man's clothing.

The design of the clothing must not resemble the clothing of the non-believing women.

The design must not consist of bold designs which attract attention.

Clothing should not be worn for the sole purpose of gaining reputation or increasing one's status in society.

“Islam protects the woman; it is for this reason that Allah gave these laws. In today's society womankind is being exploited, female sexuality is being openly used in advertising, mainly to attract the desires of men and therefore sell the product. Is the woman really free in today's society? The answer is obviously no. The constant bombardment by the media as to how the ideal woman should look and dress testifies to this.”

While I obviously have different beliefs, I could see how this philosophy of dress for the Muslim woman works for her and I thoroughly respect their right to dress this way.

But I have begun to notice things I hadn’t seen before. Many of the Muslim women are clad from head to toe in black but their head scarves and veils are stamped 'YSL" and they carry the flashiest of Fendi or Gucci handbags with sky-high couture heels peeking through as they walk. These younger girls are beginning to push the boundaries of traditional dress by incorporating Western fashion influences in conspicuous ways and it seems to me this is quite acceptable here. But I’ve come to understand that this is not the norm for our neighbors in the Middle East.

'Arabian Fashion TV' is a popular channel here dedicated to playing clips from fashion shows in New York, Paris, Milan & L.A. 24 hours a day, which also airs in ‘KSA’ which is better known as the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. But Saudi Arabia is so strict about women wearing traditional Muslim dress that literally there is an army of ‘religious police’ that walk the streets and beat and/or arrest any woman that has even the slightest bit of skin showing in any place except around her eyes just above and below the veil. Iranian women experience a similar sort of ‘fashion’ police; Iranian law states that women who do not cover their hair and body in public face fines or imprisonment for up to two months, with police raiding stores that sell clothes that do not comply with these regulations. Alleged phone videos of these kinds of arrests can be found on YouTube.

But even in Iran and Saudi Arabia, women are starting to take risks to find ways to enjoy their love of fashion and thus on a very small scale are beginning to buck the centuries old tradition of women’s suppression. I was in awe to read about what lengths this Iranian fashion designer went to in order to hold a secret ‘underground’ fashion show as detailed on this site, risking extreme punishment along with all the attendees.

The UAE is definitely leading the way in redefining the modern Muslim woman. There is a fashion magazine here in the UAE called ‘Emirates Woman’ - this month it has Sarah Jessica Parker on the cover and its format is a very glossy fashion and beauty advice with tons of images from runway shows, interviews with celebs and hot designers. In a feature called ‘Love or Lose’, fashions are described as being ‘in’ or ‘out’, and the ‘out’ choices were SO obviously pointed at the Arab woman to coax her out of her modest style. Some of the examples are:

LOVE - Off the shoulder
LOSE - No skin showing (the Anglo model in this was wearing all black with a black hood, which is no accident in how similar it looks to the traditional Muslim garb)

LOVE - Open neckline (picture shown is of a very low cut dress)
LOSE - All covered up (again, blonde model in all black, suggestive of Muslim dress)

LOVE - Bare, natural legs
LOSE - Leggings (again, Anglo model wearing all black)

LOVE - Simple yet chic (pic shows model in somewhat revealing top)
LOSE - Layering (predictably, Anglo brunette model is layered in all black)

The fact that fashion is in some way the driving force empowering women to reach for more freedoms is quite a revelation for me. I just hope that these brave women don’t totally abandon their modesty, something I don’t admire about our tastes in the U.S.

This picture is for Mom.

Anonymously yours...

2008-03-30T22:26:00.001-07:00

By popular demand, comments on this blog can now be added anonymously! Please keep the secret admirer love confessions to a minimum, or Mel might get jealous.

Oh, and Jamie... a happy thingy just for you:

The future belongs to Islam?

2008-03-30T01:25:00.001-07:00

Interesting and sobering article, if you're a fan of the status quo...

The future belongs to Islam

Happy Birthday Mohammed!

2008-03-20T09:58:00.001-07:00

It's the prophet's birthday, we are drinking wine, listening to rock music, and surfing the net in celebration. Do you think he would approve?

The Desert Island Question

2008-03-19T00:32:00.001-07:00

"If you were going to be stranded on a desert island, what five things would you bring?" Actually I think the more common question is "what 5 books, 5 CDs, and 5 movies would you bring?" but it's my blog and we're going to play it my way.

It's one of those questions that sounds very profound, but loses punch because the premise is so unlikely. Really, in this age of GPS and satellite phones, who gets stranded on desert islands these days? If you've ever read the Book of Questions you know what I mean. You may proclaim that you would voluntarily shorten your own life span by 20 years to somehow eliminate halitosis world wide -- but there is no way to know for sure.

Fortunately for me (I'll soon explain why I feel fortunate) the Desert Island Question became a reality. I'm in the desert. I'm on an island. And while I'm not stranded, I have committed to being here a length of time that goes considerably beyond the average holiday on the beach.

Also, I didn't have the luxurious option of picking up my life and bringing it with me. Actually, that would have gone against the very reason I took this assignment. I wanted to experience a totally different lifestyle in the midst of a totally different culture. I didn't want to be bogged down by the various minutia I had surrounded myself with at home.

So, in making a clean start, I had to think very hard about the things I truly needed to bring with me. I've seen family members (you know who you are) in a state of stress and panic just packing for two weeks of skiing. How does the evaluation process change when you are looking at a year or more?

The answer? For me it got easier. I was severely limited by the available space. I could take two suitcases and a carry on bag. I suppose I could have shipped things, or sent over a crate like some expats I've spoken with. But I didn't want that. Two and a half suitcases sounded just right for me. It was clarifying, and preparing for packing felt like I was purging a lot of chaff from my life.

So, without further ado, the five things I can't live without on this desert island:

Melanie. Obviously Mel is not a thing, but she is listed first regardless as she is the only show-stopper of the bunch. I wouldn't be here without her. I was going to write "I go where she goes", but that doesn't sound quite right. It's more like "we go where we go" if you get my drift. We are a team. If we don't experience things together, it's as if it doesn't really happen.
My Computer. Obviously. My link to my friends. My link to the world. Communicator, entertainer, informer, and facilitator. I would have come here without one, but I would have purchased a replacement the day I landed.
My IPod. Music is extremely important to me, especially in the days before Mel arrived. Without Mel to bounce conversation off of, I have music playing nearly constantly. A quiet living space is depressing.
A Guitar. I have a love-hate relationship with guitars. I hate that I am not a better musician -- I realize that every time I pick up the instrument -- but I can't help myself. A guitar to me is a mood altering device. I lose myself in just noodling and playing chords, singing snippets of songs. It's the best stress management technique I have. I wasn't able to bring one with me, but I bought a nice Cort NTL-50 last week.
The Sopranos. It's embarrassing, but the Sopranos are my friends. They are MY family. Before Mel arrived I watched every DVD I brought, 3 seasons worth. They are the best cure for loneliness I have. I am still in denial that the series is over.

That's it. All the rest is unnecessary, and somehow that's very comforting to me.

Weekends are for Dubai

2008-03-16T07:59:00.000-07:00

As much as I love the pseudo-refined and certainly pampered lifestyle of Abu Dhabi I am pulled like a magnet to our neighbor Dubai. John has taken me there two weekends since my arrival and my eyes simply can’t get enough. Below is a link to view some photos I’ve snapped of Dubai, but first I’ll give you a little inside info on what you’ll be looking at.

The desert highway that takes you to Dubai is even exciting to me. There are miles and miles of the most elaborate filigree fencing painted in green, white and gleaming gold that runs right next to the shoulder, which just might mean that the entire desert going back further than I can see is private royal property. I saw camels roaming around inside that fence during our last drive out, which had me squealing with delight. (Unfortunately no photos of the royal fence or the camels) I did snap some pictures of some of the many enormous portrait signs of the Sheikhs that are planted all around Abu Dhabi and Dubai. At first these signs are very strange to see looming above main intersections or on the side of skyscrapers, but as I came to know what these men have done for the UAE and their brilliant forward thinking I can’t help but admire them too. (will save for another blog) I look up at those portraits and see total rock stars, and that’s why they’re there. The people luv ‘em. Oh, and probably because the Sheikh’s paid to have them erected, too.

As you approach Dubai you enter what is called as ‘The Free Zone’, which is a designated area where Dubai invites all businesses from around the world to build and work tax free and exempt from all foreign import duties – which is mighty appealing. I snapped a shot of a large GM warehouse and was impressed by seeing many recognizable names in big business here.

As you leave the Free Zone a cluster of skyscrapers appears on the horizon which is called ‘New Dubai’. The crazy thing about New Dubai is that it is completely unoccupied – Dubai is banking on the ‘If you build it, they will come’ mentality. I took several pictures as we approached New Dubai – it will blow your minds.

The city of Dubai itself is another eruption of ultra sleek skyscrapers with very impressive architecture. There’s a pair of twin towers modeled after the Empire State building that are really lovely interpretations. And still under construction is the Burj Dubai, the tallest building in the world at 159 floors which I captured with a bulldozer in the foreground hard at work on another skyscraper. Along the waterfront are private homes that are jaw-dropping in Arabian splendor with incredibly impressive entrances.

John introduced me to one of the souks (the word for marketplace) and I thoroughly enjoyed pawing through all the fabulous pashmina and cashmere shawls. Belly dancers can get outfitted here for a song and exotic jewelry from India is abundant.

There is so much more to Dubai than I’ve seen and so much more to come. I think the most ambitious effort is Dubailand, a mega multi-theme park which will be three times larger than Disney World and will boast full sized replicas of the Egyptian pyramids, the Taj Mahal, Hanging Gardens of Babylon and the Leaning Tower of Pisa just for starters. Whether this lures people to vacation in this far away desert remains to be seen; nothing but the real pyramids will do for me.

Mel's Dubai Photos

Sunrise over the Municipality

2008-03-10T02:07:00.001-07:00

I took this photo this morning from the roof of our apartment building. The big building in the foreground is the Municipality which houses the Department of Planning and Economy (our client).

In the background you can see the cranes working feverishly building out Al Reem island, a development project with projected costs well above 15 billion USD.

The richest city in the world. (No, it's not Dubai.)

2008-03-09T22:43:00.001-07:00

If you want to get a sense of what is really happening here, and just how much is at stake -- read this article.

The richest city in the world. (No, it's not Dubai.) - March 19, 2007

Scent of a Woman

2008-03-07T18:59:00.000-08:00

"When in Rome..." Well, that’s what John said as the reason why he would possibly want to spend the better part of our day at the Marina Mall in Abu Dhabi today. Because truly, this is what the comfortable masses do; they log endless laps around the mind-numbingly enormous malls, stopping for elegant juice or coffee drinks in between collecting fancy shopping bags with names on them I’ve never been able to afford. I have yet to determine if this illusion of shopping-mosque-shopping-mosque-shopping-shopping-mosque is really the average lifestyle here for the Nationals, or rather, I hope to prove to myself that it isn’t reality. I hope there is more joy for them that that.

But at least I did have a mission for going mall shopping – I was in search for the scent that is the very essence of Abu Dhabi itself. I have a tradition of buying a new perfume whenever I take a vacation in a new country, which was a huge success when we went to Italy two years ago. Now whenever I wear Stella by Stella McCartney John goes into rapture and begins speaking with an Italian accent!

The perfume choices in any mall in Abu Dhabi is absolutely staggering, with shrines for each cosmetic and fragrance house assembled in one palatial marble-clad area. John tolerated me lingering at these counters for hours while I spritzed little cards looking for The One, but nothing grabbed me. Here I am shopping at one of the perfume bars, completely overwhelmed:

I was distracted a bit by the window at the Rolex store which displayed several multi-million dollar jewelry sets in the window the likes I’ve never seen, such as this emerald and diamond beauty:

Or the gold at this jewelry store was also pretty dazzling:

We spotted the nearly completed indoor ski slopes and ice skating rink, which is just as crazy looking as I expected it to be. You’d better believe I’ll be on that slope as soon as it opens, if only to say I’ve done it.

John was also in the market for a suit, and he was both thrilled and horrified to fall in love with this Zegna suit:

It was far more than he’s ever spent on a suit, but when you look that good price seems to go out the window. He also bought two spendy ties to go with it.

As we continued our quest to walk this entire mall we both caught a whiff of an amazing scent in the air and John said “That’s the scent of Abu Dhabi – whatever that is, you should buy it!” I looked over the balcony and spotted a huge brass incense burner on the floor below that was emitting the fragrance, so we went downstairs to find a local perfume house called Al-Jazeera which featured Arabic themed perfumes. Jackpot! It was like being inside of a gorgeous jewelry box:

I explained to the man working there I wanted to smell like that smoke outside, and he handed me a bottle of Black Aoud by Montale – Eau De Parfum from Paris but every bit the essence of Arabia. After he doused me with it, John agreed I smelled like Abu Dhabi so I handed over my three hundred dirhams knowing I’ve captured this country in a bottle.

Mint.com

2008-03-04T01:51:00.000-08:00

Howdy,

While surfing today I stumbled upon a site that I'm pretty keen on -- mint.com.

Since I'm out here in the Middle East I have to do all of my personal finance online, and it was getting pretty gruesome logging into several different accounts. We are setting up an office here and consistently spending big bucks on various fees and expenses, so I need a way to quickly see what's going on with my accounts. I think Mint might be the answer.

I took a look at their security practices and they are top notch. They also have hooks into some accounts that Quicken can't even see, like my 401(k) so that's a plus. If Mint adds a few more features I may be dumping Quicken altogether. Too bad I just bought the 2008 version.

Anyway, check it out if you have a need for something like this. Here's some screenshots:

Melanie's first impressions...includes fashion, of course

2008-03-03T01:53:00.000-08:00

Well it’s my fourth day here in Abu Dhabi and I am just in awe of everything I see. I feel very at home here despite the fact that this is so very different than anywhere I’ve ever been; must be due to my reunion with John. Our apartment is super plush so being at home is a real pleasure. We have daily maid service for the time being and I’m constantly noticing wild little details, such as in the front bathroom there are 3 carat sized rhinestones that resemble princess cut diamonds embedded in the marble tile as part of the design all the way around the room. Somehow it doesn’t come off too cheesy.

I wish I had explained in my previous blog that I wasn’t so unorganized to forget the address for our apartment – the truth is there almost isn’t one! Abu Dhabi doesn’t really use a numbered address system - it’s an unexpected inefficient part of this amazingly progressive city. I leafed through the giant yellow pages totally in awe of what the businesses do to explain where they are in their ads – they will say the name of the street plus ‘behind so-and-so bank across from the mosque’. I still stare in disbelief as company vans drive by with similar ‘addresses’ shown on their sides as advertisement. John left me with a pile of restaurant menus (they all deliver here) but I was at a loss of how to tell them where we are. I finally found out yesterday that we are in ‘Vision Twin Towers #1, by Etisalat on Al Sala'am Street’ so now I won’t have to scrounge around our empty cupboards when I’m too busy working to go get food.

I am fascinated by the mixture of people in the UAE, the most arresting being the people dressed in traditional Arabian garb. The men are in all white long sleeve robes with a long white headcloth topped with two black rings – you see them everywhere. It is a striking sight to see them exiting their Range Rovers with their laptops and Gucci sunglasses, with a relaxed air not unlike the average American or Brit. They might look at me with curiosity but it is a friendly kind. It’s really hard for me not to stare at the women who are dressed in the Arab garb (at least half of the women you see here are dressed this way) – they are almost always covered head to toe in all black, very loose fitting garments, and a good percentage of them also cover up their face except for their eyes. A small percentage even cover their ENTIRE face, which has me curious as to how they navigate where they’re going. But despite how unsettling it is at first to see someone dressed like the grim reaper I find these women to be quite friendly and normal as I stand next to them in line at the grocery store or meet them in the ladies room. I will soon consult a book on the Muslim religion to get the meaning of the various dress defined, but hopefully I will make friends with an actual Muslim woman soon who can provide me with insight I can’t get from a book.

My First 24 Hours in Abu Dhabi

2008-02-28T23:25:00.000-08:00

Well, it has not quite been 24 hours but close enough. It is 5:00 AM Abu Dhabi time and John is still sleeping so this is a perfect time to write a few thoughts on what I’ve experienced so far.

The flight from New York was the ultimate in luxury. I had my own little ‘pod’ that included a fabulous entertainment system (personal TV with zillions of movies, TV shows, games and music channels) and a lounge chair straight out of The Sharper Image – it had two types of vibrating massage and extended into a bed which was full size for my body. The flight attendants were idealistic Middle Eastern beauties, all very young and soft spoken with endless smiles. Their uniforms were very elegant navy skirtsuits with a hat that provided a hint of where we were going with a narrow piece of cream chiffon that fell from the hat (veil inspired) then wrapped around their neck like a scarf. I studied the design quite well during the flight so I could recreate it for myself. As we made our descent into Abu Dhabi at 7:00 AM my heart skipped a beat as I saw miles of beige sand peppered with fat, bushy palm trees, which resembled very much what I imagined Egypt to be like. I decided at that moment that I would definitely love it here.

I was given a ‘fast pass’ to go through the immigration line at the airport, which meant I literally was able to sail through from gate to suitcase retrieval in 10 minutes – faster than any domestic flight I’ve ever taken! My bags were first off the chute and I had a baggage man to help cart my four suitcases who appeared out of nowhere. As we walked out of baggage claim I excitedly looked for John’s face in the mix of people waiting for their friends and family, but there was no John. What I didn’t know was that my plane landed a half hour early, and John was still on his way – but after waiting 20 minutes I started to panic a bit. I was approached by airport security who offered to call John to find out if he was in route, but I realized then that I didn’t have his number except for his USA cell. They asked me where I would be staying and I had no idea (they were visibly shocked by this). I had no UAE money to pay my baggage guy who was still waiting patiently with me. It was a very helpless feeling that was no doubt magnified by my lack of sleep. When John finally did arrive I was so overwhelmed with relief I started to cry and poor John did not experience the reunion he expected. But after the bags were put in the car and we were a few minutes down the road I found peace again and we talked about all the exciting things we could do once we got to the city.

But all I wanted to do was sleep. I was zombie-fied by then and barely took note of our amazingly luxurious apartment as we wheeled my suitcases into the bedroom. It took a few hours to find sleep, but then the next thing I knew John was waking me up to say it was 7:00 PM and I probably shouldn’t sleep anymore. I showered and we headed off on foot to a nearby Lebanese restaurant where we sat outside and enjoyed the night air. I heard my first prayer call broadcasted on speakers throughout the city and I was moved by its strange echoing beauty. I was surprised that it was actually a bit chilly and felt very glad to have brought four trench coats, which is probably still ludicrous. I watched with fascination as people sucked on elegant hoses that emitted some kind of strawberry scented tobacco, which John asked me if I’d like to try. But he said that it had nicotine like any other tobacco and I have already suffered quitting that nonsense once – which was enough for me.

After dinner we walked a little bit further to the Abu Dhabi mall, noting to myself the good fortune of it being so close to our apartment. A thoroughly modern and gleaming place, the four story mall was hopping even at this late hour with a fascinating variety of people of all types of dress and ethnicities. I unfurled my list of home goods that I had quickly made upon surveying the apartment and we set out to find what was on the top of the list: bath towels, bath rugs and a coffeemaker (aka life support). John introduced me to the Co-Op, half grocery store, half department store and 100% unlike any store I’d ever been in. The merchandise was not especially well presented like it was in the other shops at the mall, but it certainly had the widest variety and was the liveliest in terms of the heavy crowd of customers. We made our purchases then grabbed a cab back, and I set about to unpacking my clothes until I found myself suddenly exhausted and in need of more sleep. It was so wonderful to be in the same bed with John at last!

A List of Firsts

2008-02-25T03:14:00.000-08:00

In honor of Mel's impending arrival and to lift our spirits after my depressing last post, I now present a list of first-time experiences I've had in Abu Dhabi. This is off the top of my head but may produce a chuckle or two.

This is the first time...

...I've run out of cold water while taking a shower.

...I've been called "sir" by at least 25 different people in one day.

...that I've ever eaten Indian I liked. Now I need an Indian restaurant at home. Tammi please learn how to make Dal Makhni. (God I need to go on a diet)

...I've seen the tallest building in the world. And the stunning Burj Al-Arab hotel. And the crazy insane man-made Palm Jumeirah islands.

...I've actually honked my horn at a pedestrian that I thouht might try to cross in a crosswalk.

...since 2 days after I met Mel, that a day has passed that we have not spoken on the phone.

... that I've seen someone haggle so successfully for an item that the final price was less than 1/4 the originally quoted amount.

...I've had to travel five miles to perform a U-turn (Dubai).

...I've ever taken a shopping cart on an escalator...in a mall.

...I've ever had to listen to "feelings" played constantly in muzak fashion, over and over for eight hours at time. For some reason our new office building management thinks this is a good idea.

...I've felt like a criminal buying wine.

...I've ever seen someone smoking while walking through the mall.

...I've eaten Zaatar

...I've driven with my hand on the horn at all times.

Perspective

2008-02-24T20:58:00.000-08:00

So the gym opened for the first time last night, and I met the trainer "Joel". He pronounces it with two syllables, like Noel. He's a really nice guy from the Phillipines. His only quirks are a penchant for sprinkling "boss" several times into each sentence (e.g. "yes boss that looks good boss") and subscribing to incredibly outdated notions about exercise and diet.

Joel and I got to talking. He moved here a few weeks ago from the Phillipines. He wanted to be with his wife, who is working as an X-ray tech in Abu Dhabi. He's in his mid-30's, has 3 kids, speaks fluent English and seems like a super happy guy.

We started talking a little more. He really wanted to go to the US, where his sister has a cell phone shop in Anaheim. He talked about how it wouldn't work out, since he checked with hospitals in Boston and his wife's ceritifcation wouldn't work. She would essentially be relegated to a "helper" instead of a qualified tech. He blamed this on discrimination.

I asked him if he liked Abu Dhabi, and he said yes. We spoke about the Phillipines and the civil unrest there. There is terrorism and the economy is terrible despite what the media is reporting. They came to the UAE for work, as a lot of people do.

I asked him where he lived, and he said in the city near the British Embassy. This is where the conversation became surreal. I mean, here is this guy who seems to be doing ok. He's employed, his wife is a professional, they seem to be on their way. In the US you'd probably see them in a decent apartment having a nice life.

Not here. They got their jobs from an agency in the Phillipines who takes a substantial cut. They signed three year employment contracts which I assume are very slanted toward the agency. Their housing is arranged so they can't stay under the same roof. In fact, she shares a single room with 3 women, his room holds 10 guys -- stacked to the rafters in bunk beds. Of course their kids are back in the Phillipines, staying with family. I assume that a large portion of their salaries are sent back.

I got the impression that this was not a three year stint to save a bunch of money. I think they are doing this to keep their family fed.

The scary part is that these two are the lucky ones. They have skills and are high on the food chain as far as foreign workers go. Pakastanis and Indians have it far worse. They are the looked down on by everyone, and are bused to labor camps far outside the city.

I don't have much in the way of closing comments. Anything additional at this point would seem heavy handed. But I will say that I have realized that one of my goals for this trip will easily be achieved -- to gain a deeper appreciation for the USA and all that it stands for.

A Taste of Dubai

2008-02-24T01:14:00.000-08:00

Howdy everybody!

I thought I'd post a few pictures of our side trip to Dubai.

They aren't terribly interesting, as all we really did was wander around a textile souk. A souk is essentially a marketplace, usually quite lively and dealing in mostly cheaper goods. A good rule of thumb is to start haggling at half the quoted prices, especially if you are a caucasian.

The water here, which is Dubai creek in the pictures, is as cerulean blue as it looks. It's breathtaking in the bright sunlight.

The later pictures are taken in the historical culture area, which we wandered into by accident

No Internets

2008-02-22T22:43:00.000-08:00

Hi folks,

No updates for a bit, as I've got quite a lot going on here. The biggest factor is that I moved into my new apartment and the Internet connection we have been promised for a week has yet to materialize. We were told that the "business center" would have access the day we moved in, but every day I walk in and there is some bored employee shaking their head sadly.

I like the new digs. The materials are very beautiful, but the workmanship and finishing are terribly shoddy. The building has only been open for about a week, so maybe they will send a crew around to clean everything up. No gym yet :(

My boss and the CEO were here last week. Thankfully it looks like the project is back on track and our customer is satisfied with our work. That's the best news of all.

More news later and pictures I promise!

What will you do with your $600?

2008-02-15T23:29:00.000-08:00

Pres Bush has signed an economic rescue package that proposes to jump start our slumping economy. In case you are unaware, this means that if you are reading this and pay taxes, you can expect an extra $600 (at least) mysteriously appearing in your mailbox or bank account as soon as May.

I am hereby issuing a mixed message alert. Why?

You are supposed to spend this money. And soon. Don't save it for a rainy day as the country is counting on you. Your $600 injected into the economy will purchase goods and services which create jobs, which increases the GDP, which will stave off a recession. It seems like a drop in the ocean, but remember, everybody is getting their bonus. $600 x everybody = a lot of money. What this windfall really does is create inflation but that's a topic for another day.

So why the mixed message alert?

Because Washington is also taking action to offset "America's Savings Crisis". In other words, you aren't saving enough money. You should be socking more away for retirement. Thanks to the housing crisis, it's clear that all of our houses won't be worth millions of dollars when we retire, so legislation is being enacted to help us build up nest eggs so that we won't be greeting shoppers at Wal-Mart or flipping Big Macs when we retire.

Yet, we are being asked to spend more.

So what's the answer? Buy the IPod? Buy a Mutual Fund? Steak dinner and blackjack in Vegas?

I see two options, of which you could split $300 each:

Spend the money in a way that creates demand for national (good) or local (better) goods or services. Go out for a killer dinner at a local family owned restaurant. Hire a gardener or carpet cleaner for some sprucing up. Don't go buy a foreign-made gizmo at a foreign-owned (you'd be surprised) big box store.
Disregard Mr. Bush and buy a stock or mutual fund. This is not useless money, no matter what anyone says. Your $600 will be injected into capital markets which will be used to foster new businesses or research.

No matter what you do, have fun with it!

On a Mission

2008-02-15T03:48:00.000-08:00

It's the weekend already? I've found myself with not much to do. I don't want to work, nobody in the states is awake to chat, so it's time for action.

I had a great workout this morning with my new buddy Nalika. He's from Sri Lanka and apparently was a pretty good soccer player until he injured his knee. He's teaching me stretches and I'm teaching him circuit training. He's even lent me his fitness book from 1971. What a guy!

After that I decided I need to find a music store. Eventually I will buy a guitar. I couldn't imagine a year without one, especially since there will be a lot of down time -- no house or yard to work on!

So...I Googled "musical instruments abu dhabi" and got a little discouraged. If you need laundry, refreshements (their word), a little grocery, a saloon (nope, it's a salon), foodstuffs, chinese junk, or a bank there is one on every corner. But I had yet to see a music store. Wait! There is one little hit for "AKM Music". I considered taking a cab but heck it's only 6 or 7 blocks away!

A little more searching and I discovered this killer site. It doesn't seem to have a ton of content for Visalia, but wow does Abu Dhabi light up! Practically every building has a tag! So here's my destination:

I did a quick check of landmarks and headed out! It's a beautiful sunny day here, probably about 80 degrees. I left the apartment about noon, and the streets were eerily quiet. Fifteen minutes later I had reached my destination. It actually is a nice music store! Unfortunately, it appears that it and everything else is closed on Fridays (Sabbath) until about 4PM. Even restaurants, and I was hungry. Oh well, I'm gonna head back there tonight.

On the way back I spotted a couple of funny things. Well, I guess it depends on your sense of humor. The first picture would make Robert Iger cringe. Yes, that's Mickey Mouse pimpin' a balloon store in Abu Dhabi. Think the Disney lawyers would appreciate that?

Next we have a two image series of some workers painting an office building. The second photo shows that they have carefully covered the cars below so that they wouldn't get paint splattered on them. Errr, maybe not so carefully! Check out the paint blobs on this brand new Jeep. Think that would go over well in the states?

African Nations Cup Final: Egypt 1, Cameroon 0

2008-02-14T23:44:00.000-08:00

It's football people, you call it soccer. Apparently this is a big deal. You can read all about it here.

What's really intersting is the aftermath that took place that night. Take a look at this video taken one block from my apartment. I heard the noise but had no idea what it was about.

Rethinking the Laundry

2008-02-13T04:33:00.000-08:00

I'm still trying to draw a bead on laundry here. In fact, I'm going to guess that laundry practices in the USA are radically different than most European (or European-influenced) cultures.

For starters, people dress nicer here. Much nicer. Like nobody wears shorts, not even kids. In fact, I've read that if you are a man walking around in shorts people will assume that you have forgotten your pants. A shorts-less society shocks and confuses me, as you probably might imagine if you've spent more than a hour with me. So this got me to wondering...

As I said, people dress very nice. Think jacket and tie at the mall. On purpose, not the "I'll run by the mall after work" situation. Think taxi drivers in dress pants and a nice long sleeve shirt. They may be a little grubby and have deodorant-awareness issues, but they get an A+ for effort. Compare the Wal-mart in middle America to it's shopping equivalant here in the UAE, and you'll rethink any preconceived notions of which is the advanced society.

Taking that into account, consider the laundry. I'll admit it -- I am a spoiled brat. Said my lovely then-to-be-wife to me as we were negotiating our new life together: "You'll never have to worry about laundry again." It was a wonderfully poignant (and comforting) moment, but unfortunately she was quite wrong. One month of bachelorhood in Abu Dhabi has made a liar out of her.

Laundry, as I remember from my true bachelor days, was kind of a red "X" on the calendar that came up every month or so. Actually the date was never carved in stone. It occured naturally when the day arrived that everything available to wear was either too stinky, did not fit, had horrible stains, or was made of parachute pants material. The date could be pushed by incorporating the "wet towel and dryer" trick -- but this only helped with wrinkles and couldn't help with stains or odor.

In the UAE and elsewhere the bachelor laundry routine is impractical if not impossible. Take a look at the laundry facility in my apartment.

That's right: the tiniest of washing machines and a dryer rack with 6 or 7 tiny little clotheslines. First the washing machine. I realize now why every washing machine in the USA says "Heavy Duty" or something like that on it. It's because even the smallest of them are freakishly huge compared to the one I have here. In addition, the full wash cycle takes...well I'm not sure, as I have always either left the apartment or gone to bed before it's finished. I'm going to take a guess and say 2 hours. I'm not kidding.

The dryer rack is nothing to complain about, except that it's not a mechanical clothes dryer like the one we all are used to. And it's small. On the one right here, I have about 5 shirts, one pair of shorts, two underwears, and a few pair of socks. This is all that will fit in the washer. Drying on the rack is as natural as you can get, unless you want to hang stuff out the windows like many people do here in the city.

From what I know, this appeared to be the norm in Italy as well. Our friend Lucia had a nifty all-in-one washer and dryer, and I think she said her friends and family were all curious (or laughing) about it. In Italy, laundry was hanging out of half the windows.

So combine the small washer/no dryer factors and you are left with a whole new laundry paradigm. A load of the most personal of items (underwear, socks, t-shirts, etc) are washed and dried every two or three days in the comfort of your laundry room, which also doubles as the kitchen. The nice clothes that you wear (slacks, dress shirts, suits) are taken care of by one of the laundry shops that you see on every corner. That's so expensive you say? What a hassle you say? Well, dress shirts are laundered and hand-ironed for 4 AED, and suits are dry cleaned for 10 AED. That's about a dollar and two fifty, respectively. As for the hassle factor, these places pick up and deliver for no extra charge.

All in all it's damn fine system. I arrived in AD with two suitcases packed to the rafters with clothes, as I was planning on the bachelor system. As it turns out, I'm wearing the nicest clothes I own every day -- and doing laundry isn't the dreaded event it used to be.

Isn't that what it's all about?

And the loser is....

2008-02-11T11:52:00.000-08:00

...Everybody but one. Will the winning voter in the "Rent" poll please step forward?

The answer is "More than $5000/month". $5400 I think, plus utilities, Internet, and parking.

I've heard that a housing shortage has caused rates to triple just in the last year. It's a good time to be a landlord in AD.

Call to Prayer

2008-02-11T07:41:00.000-08:00

Several folks are curious about what call to prayer sounds like. I haven't figured out compression on my video camera yet, so the second best option is to give you a link! Friday call to prayer

As you can tell, the mosques are set up with all kinds of speakers on their towers. Considering that there is probably a mosque on every block, sometimes more, the volume is quite startling.

(Too funny. Call to prayer just started up as I type this. It's tremendously loud and I still find it hard to get used to.)

Checking my handy prayer calculator, here are the times today in Abu Dhabi:

Dawn Prayer 5:35 AM
Sunrise Prayer 6:59 AM
Afternoon Prayer 12:36 PM
Sunset Prayer 3:49 PM
Night Prayer 7:28 PM

Yup. Seems about right. Gotta love that Dawn Prayer...

Pix from the top of our office building

2008-02-09T00:07:00.000-08:00

We were signing the lease on the top floor, and I snuck out to take these pictures. It's a pretty good vantage point, except there are no ocean views. This picture shows the twin towers where we will be living in about a month. The apartments will be on the 15th or 16th floors, with windows facing in this direction.

The picture above shows construction on Jazirat island in the distance. The buildings in the foreground are government offices including the department of planning.

10 Things I've learned

2008-02-05T11:53:00.001-08:00

And now, in no particular order, a list of 10 interesting things I've discovered in my first few days in Abu Dhabi.

People can be extremely friendly, helpful, and considerate when face to face with you, but want to harass and/or maim you when they are driving vehicles.
Image is paramount. Doors opened when we began to wear suits everywhere. Even to the mall.
Light switchs are backwards. Up is off. Down is on.
You can buy alchohol without a license. Ask me for details.
Television is news and sports. Nothing more.
I takes 4 days to learn to sleep through prayer call at 5:45AM. Still, proximity to a mosque becomes a factor when evaluating a place to live.
The city, for the most part, is extremely clean. This happens with help by friends from India and Pakistan.
Friday is Sunday with church. Saturday is Sunday without church. There is no Saturday. Don't ask questions.
Shopping never gets dull. The mall stays open until midnight. 1AM on Thursdays. I will not be verifying this.
A national has told me that In the summer, we will take a taxi to travel the one city block from our office building to his. Walking will be out of the question.
Bonus! I drove from the apartment to Marina Mall and back last night without getting honked at. You may consider this a minor miracle.

Looks like we've found a new home

2008-02-05T11:26:00.001-08:00

Kenny signed the documents today, and apparently the rent has been paid (A full year in advance!) so we should be good to go for our new home!

These are brand new long-term corporate rentals, completely furnished, gorgeous, and close to everything. There is a second bedroom for the long list of visitors we have coming ;)

The twin towers you see in the photo is where we'll be.

My new carpet

2008-02-05T10:52:00.001-08:00

I cast my vote in favor of child labor by purchasing this gorgeous silk carpet at the Marina Mall. It sure dresses up this sterile apartment!

This mall offers a great view of the Abu Dhabi skyline. I was able to check it out at dusk on the way back. Of course no camera, so here's a picture I found from the web.

How not to lose weight

2008-02-04T12:18:00.000-08:00

As everyone in Vis knows, Pita Kabob is the place for great food. Actually, check out their website there really are coupons!

Unfortunately for the PK Lounge, they have met their match. Actually, every single meal I've had here has been fantastic and cheap (with one noteable exception, stay away from the 5 star hotels if you want an inexpensive meal).

But the best one so far was Lebanese, just like PK. Check this out, we had to take two pictures to get it all in! The three of us ate like kings for just $20! No Tax!

Your looking at a selection of greens, pickles, and olives. A garlic sauce and a bunch of Hummous. Two orders of Lamb Kebab, and something Kenny ordered that was like a super yummy shredded chicken quesedilla only with pita bread and no cheese. Hungry yet?

Welcome to Abu Dhabi

2008-02-03T17:43:00.000-08:00

$6,800,000 USD for a license plate.

Today Much Success

2008-02-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

Hi folks,

After donning my new black suit, we trudged off in search of new digs for both office and personal use. Kenny had suggested that we would only be taken seriously if we were dressed nicely. Could he have been more right?

We're pretty sure that we found new office space as well as killer apartments, all within a few hundred feet of our work location.

Or interactively...

View Larger Map

The apartment is really super nice, and is a two bedroom which is great. Everyone cross your fingers that we get them! As you can see from the Google map, the buildings are brand new -- they show as under construction!

Best of all, we went to lunch across the street at a Lebanese restaurant. It was fantastic! Pictures to follow. Three of us ate like kings for $20USD. Amazing.

Moving to this site

2008-02-02T19:31:00.000-08:00

Hi folks,

It seems that the Abu Dhabi government doesn't like my meager little blog. Hmmmm. Did I even say anything that bad?

So I'm going to shut it down and post here instead. Stay tuned.

And so it begins

2008-01-31T02:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday began bright and early, as a sleepy and sweats-clad Mel chauffered me to the Fresno Air Terminal to begin my journey. First, an uneventful hop over the valley to SFO, then an immediate boarding of my plane to New York. Almost too convenient, as I was worried that the little guys from United would have trouble transferring the bags. I'll save you the suspense, they made it, so no drama.

The flight to New York was dull -- the best kind of flight. WAY different than Hawaii where you'd think everyone was attending a screaming baby convention. Grabbed my bags and a taxi and headed to Manhattan. The taxi driver was cool, of Indian heritage but was from Queens. He had been to Abu Dhabi and kept pestering me that I had better hire a driver, but I think he really meant bodyguard. I quickly changed the subject.

Saw a great view of Manhattan from just before the Midtown Tunnel. I couldn't take a picture but it looked just like this:

Hung out for hours with my sister Nancy. We figured that I hadn't seen her since Alabama, the week after me and Mel's first date. That would make it, what? April 04? Could that be right? Sorry Nance, I'm a bad brother and uncle. Even the Indian taxi guy said so. Sigh.

We had a room at the Marriott Marquis Times Square. Temperature was about 35 degrees, but Nance and I wandered around, caught up on everything and attempted to deplete Manhattan of BV Merlot and Ketel One. Unsuccessfully, as we were crashed by 12:30EST. All for the best since I had to get up at 5:45, which would be 2:45PST. Pity me.

So I write this from The Lounge at JFK International Airport, checking messages and such.

Nobody in California is awake yet so email traffic is pretty light. So far. Stay tuned for details of Leg 2!

Abu Dhabi Parlay Game

2008-01-25T02:35:00.000-08:00

A contest from my awesome brother-in-law Glenn, with a few additions from us. If you want to play leave your answers in the comments. New questions are encouraged! The winning prize will be total self-satisfaction

Abu Dhabi Predictions Parlay

With Melanie and John gone for a year, it raises the question, “What will change?” Below is a list of possible changes that you are to give your best guess. The start date is tonight with the ending time being when John and Mel have officially come back or one year from now, whichever comes first.

Gaining weight is a very natural occurrence when starting a new endeavor. How much combined weight will J & M gain in luggage and packages will they bring back compared to what they take over?

Who will learn more Arabic?

How many friends and family (not business related) will visit Abu Dhabi?

Number of additional countries J&M will visit?

Combined number of times John and Melanie are "detained" by foreign authorities?

How many financial schemes will John pitch to family and friends?

How many wardrobe miscalculations will Melanie commit?

How many new suit coats will John purchase?

How many days in July and August will the temperature in Visalia be higher than Abu Dhabi?

During the year, what will be the highest price for a barrel of oil?

What will the lowest price for a liter of petrol in Abu Dhabi?

Which (if any) of J & M’s relatives will get engaged/married during their absence? (Jessie, Sarah, Laura, Sally, Howie, Danny, Adrian, Justin, Colin) You may choose more than one.

Which (if any) of J & M’s relatives will be pregnant/have a baby during their absence? (Jessie, Sarah, Howie, Ashley, Adrian, Justin, Colin, Corey) You may choose more than one.

Who will be the next President of the USA?

Compared to the 2007 playoffs, will the Dallas Stars win more/less/same number of games?

Will Texas A&M make it to the Sweet 16 in NCAA basketball?

Will Texas A&M beat Texas in football?

How many additional countries will Bush attack?

How big will J & M’s first rental (not hotel) be in Abu Dhabi?

How many parties with over ten people or more will Chrissie and Justin host at the Shompson’s home?

What will be the highest ranking Abu Dhabi government official to dine at the same table with J or M? (I don’t know their hierarchy)

How many miles will be added to the Porsche in their absence?

Will Main Street Mercantile have higher or lower gross sales in 2008?

Who will rack up the most billable minutes calling Abu Dhabi in non-business related calls?

Which of these will happen in the Williams household? Parking a car for one week in a row in the garage? Putting on the kitchen backsplash? Breaking 80 in golf? Reducing three booths at Main St Mercantile?

When J&M get back, will someone be living in the empty house next door?

What will be the replacement value of the most expensive item their dogs will destroy while they are gone?

Race to finish the floor

2008-01-22T02:21:00.000-08:00

Another weekend, another trip to Home Depot to rent the nailer, and it's back to work on the floor. I couldn't imagine doing this job without a pneumatic floor nailer and a miter saw. Jamie came through again and spent a ton of time helping out. Jamie works a mean circular saw, but you should see him rock the mic! Mel put on a vintage fashion show for Father-Daughter day at Visalia's hoity-toity Vintage Press restaurant. I couldn't make it, but I heard it was a smashing success. Glenn pitched in today and worked the home stretch. Here's another action shot, along with a before/after montage of the "parlor".

New Year's Eve

2008-01-08T02:38:00.000-08:00

Looks like there's only one New Year's pic of me and Mel. I guess it's the curse of being married to the photographer...

Rather than wading through hordes of revelers in a pyromanic frenzy, we opted for a "Blues-Cruise" that promised a rockin' live band, free flowing drinks, and a great view of the fireworks. At least the fireworks were awesome. The live band turned out to be a solo Captain Ron (I called him that as he was channeling Kurt Russell with bonus pirate voice) living out his metal fantasies by jamming along to his Ipod.

And before you ask...Yes, he played In-a-gadda-da-vida. My brother-in-law Glenn stepped up sang a few bars of that classic tune...

The cheeze factor was off the charts, which made the evening cool as hell.

Leaving Paradise

2008-01-04T02:37:00.000-08:00

We'll soon be on our way home straight through Oahu's cloudy skies. I loved the dichotomy of Maui and Oahu, but I have to say that Waikiki was quite a shock after our oceanfront oasis in Kahana. I soon warmed up the bustle on this island, and a beautiful afternoon journey around the windward (east) side of the island reminded me that I was still in paradise.

Mel has already started posting pictures on her photography site. I'm sure there will be a million more soon. Check out the moving tribute to her father.

I cut my foot in Maui -- was preparing to get flippers on when my feet went out from under me in total cartoon fashion and I landed on my ass on a nice cushy piece of lava rock. Checked for injury and didn't see anything major, so I flippered up and proceeded to snorkel. 30 minutes or so in the water, I saw a nice moray eel that was quite scary. Sorry, no pictures of him. Anyway, once out of the water I noticed a pretty hefty amount of blood pooling up on the ground. Turns out I sliced the bottom of my foot pretty good.

It's Official

2008-01-03T02:33:00.000-08:00

Howdy friends.

It's official. I finally have something to blog about. Pending unseen circumstances I will be moving to Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) within the next 30 days. Mel will join me soon afterwards, probably mid-February. We will remain there until my project is complete, which will probably be close to one year. We both pushed very hard to make this happen -- we are united in our excitement about this adventure and are sure that it will be a life changing experience.

All the little factoids are starting to hit home, however. Will my dogs know me when I get back? Will my house be okay while I'm gone? What will my job be when I get back? It's just like me to fast-forward my worry to repatriation instead of figuring out how to succeed while I'm gone. It's only natural I suppose.

For those that are curious about Abu Dhabi, take a look at the Wikipedia entry on it, and also read about the UAE. From everything I've read (and I've read a lot!) it's very progressive, Western, and safe.

We are still vacationing in Hawaii for the next couple of days. It's kinda tough to relax but I'm trying!